Expectations.

Expectations. My opinion on them? Don't have any, about anything... ever. Wait before you write this off as the bored ramblings of an unemployed 19 year old student done with uni for the summer, really think about it.

Think back to all those times someone or something has let you down, some of those times it was their fault sure but most of the time you can blame it on good old expectations. The thing that can turn something average into something fantastic and then to below average in a heartbeat.
Having expectations for most things is bound to end in disappointment and I don't know many people who live for disappointment, do you?

Save yourself a world of worry and heartache and have no expectations about things that have the potential to go wrong. My method, is to dream realistically some may call that being cynical but daring to dream is all well and good if things pay off but things can only pay off with realistic action based on realistic viewpoints about situations.

For example, I have no expectation that this summer is going to be any less painful than the last. I don't want it to be as painful so I'm taking steps to avoid that fate.

This is a pretty grim post I realise but hey I'm feeling pretty grim right now, I might not even post this.

Another thing to not have any expectation on whatsoever? Have no expectations that I'll be posting regularly this summer, or ever really because I don't.

Be kind to people,
Love, The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Lets Talk About Anxiety.

Being an anxious person sucks. You worry about the smallest things and work yourself up into such a fit that by the time whatever it was you were worried about is over, you're exhausted. I want to talk about anxiety because its yet another 'disorder' that I feel has been swept under the proverbial rug.

 Its the elephant in the room. The 'If we don't talk about it, it doesn't exist' approach. And its bullshit. Anxiety is something you feel all over, its not just a state of mind that you can snap out of, its a sensation and an unpleasant one at that. It prevents you from enjoying the little things because you're too busy worrying about the little things.

I've found that because I worry about everything anyway, its difficult to separate the truly worrying things and the things that don't matter so much. And this can fuck you up royally. You can watch whole parts of your life fall away (school, friends, family etc.) while you sit worrying about how you're going to find the time to write this summer.

And its not just the short term things that people with anxiety worry about either, like everyone we worry about the future.

Because at some point I'll graduate into the 'real world' where I'll have to convince people I've never met and who have never met me that I'm capable and responsible enough to hold a place in their establishment and oh my god what if I get a job in a supermarket and I'm forced to talk to people and I actually have to tell them things and oh shit I almost forgot that I don't even know how to drive yet and I can't learn to drive what if I crash into someone!? What if someone crashes into me!? 

...Yeah that's me on a good day too. My point is anxiety is something that we all go through, whether its over what seems like the biggest problem or the smallest and most insignificant (depends on the perspective).

I personally am a walking ball of anxiety. My anxiety comes from a crushingly low sense of self esteem and self worth but there are so many reasons as to why people have anxiety. Sometimes people suffer with it during rough times in their life and for other people its just something they have to deal with always.

 And here's a tip for the lucky folks who don't break out in a cold sweat at the thought of buying an item using the till with the checkout person and having to make and maintain eye contact. WE KNOW IT'S IRRATIONAL, THAT'S WHY ITS ANXIETY! Mental illness and other social disorders are not rational and when they take a hold of you, you're not rational either. I'm always self aware enough to realise that my fears of failure and socialisation or my fears of failure during socialising are irrational.

 There is a big difference between knowing and being able to control it with that knowledge. Its not enough, it rarely is. And telling someone who suffers from anxiety of any kind that they are behaving irrationally is like giving a bicycle to a duck and expecting it to be able to ride it (weird analogy I know).

Like with most things now, there are so many different types of anxiety and many different reasons why it occurs AND many different methods for coping with it. Everything from therapy to herbal remedies to antidepressants.

The ironic thing about anxiety? We live in a society that faces in on itself. Most of the time we are so concerned about what other people think about us and how we look, we don't even have the time to judge other people. But like I said, to a person with anxiety, it matters not. We know nobody cares about our freudian slip but that's not going to prevent us from obsessing over it anyway.

To people who know and love someone with anxiety, all you can do is have patience and understanding (harder than it sounds I know) but it a little bit of understanding and the reassurance that we're not entirely out of our minds, goes a hell of a long way.

And to my fellow anxious folk, take a deep breath, nobody heard the embarrassingly loud ad that just scared you half to death :P

Be Kind to people and have a little patience (hint hint)

Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMmX9G8JP38

How Well Do You Treat Your Parents?

I'll admit that like most children, I haven't always given my parents the respect I now know they deserve. There have been moments throughout my childhood and particularly my teen years when I have overstepped the mark. Reflecting upon those moments I realise and understand fully why I felt the way I felt and that I was in the wrong. But I suppose hindsight can do that for you, give you the ability to look at past actions with some perspective and say 'Yeah I was an idiot' or even 'Yeah I was right'.

Despite my misgivings, I know for a fact that I was the good child. That may sound a little presumptuous but believe me if you'd met my contenders, even you would hand me the title. I was (and am) the middle child of my household. My older sibling while not as much of a handful as my younger one, still liked to push the boat more than I ever did. I suppose I owe them my thanks because it meant that while they were repeatedly getting grounded for the stupid shit they were doing, I was observing and learning from their mistakes. I was smart enough to know where the line was and how much trouble I was willing to get into by crossing it. This my friends, is a lesson that my younger sibling (along with MANY others) has failed to learn.

The words spoilt and brat come to mind when I think about my sibling. Don't get me wrong I'm spoilt and by this I mean I have been given more than most kids get and I think the difference is is that I grew up respecting what I had in regards to other people and I knew that I was very fortunate. Now, the down side to this is that it has made me a little too self aware and a with a lot of guilt about a lot of things. You know those people who say sorry when YOU step on their foot? Yeah I'm the girl who apologises to other people FOR other people. Its pretty pathetic really. However, I'd rather be the sorry girl, the eternally grateful girl than the child who never appreciates their parents until the damage has been done. But maybe that's just personal preference.

All these points of course are the musings of a 19 years old English student so perhaps I should try looking at it more from the perspective of a 12 year old. Yeah I have believe me, a lot. But unlike everyone else who just put the attitude problem up to age and immaturity, I saw it for what it really was. The youngest child with a clear case of 'only child syndrome' (I know it's not a real thing but at the same time...) It really bugs me to see the two people I was raised to respect most in this world (apart perhaps for myself) be treated like doormats by a ridiculous, pathetic little child. It does more than bug me in fact, it really pisses me off! The constant arguments, the slamming of doors. It's no longer the environment I was used to growing up, its a war zone. And every day I'm still waiting for the right party to wave their white flag.

I guess what this post was really about is being one of the kids that came before the problem child and what that's like. It's awful to watch the reasons why you respect your parents be ignored and erased before your very eyes.

Respect the people who made you who you are, even if that isn't necessarily your mum or dad.

Love, The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Dear Radical Feminists.

Oh god where does one start with this one? No scrap that I know exactly where to start, I'll start at the beginning.

So I recently stumbled upon a post on my Facebook feed about Feminism. Now this was no great surprise to me (I mean I've been on Tumblr) and I know for a fact that I have some proud Feminists as Facebook friends. However this post in particular caught my eye because of the sheer crap it was drenched in.



I feel I should make it known now for all the radical feminists that will stop reading right at this point, I am not a feminist. Now, this does NOT mean that I am against all feminists. Not at all. I really can't stress this enough even though I know that for some it won't matter for they have seen those five dreaded words and have already come to a conclusion about the state of my morals. Look at it this way feminists, if you are able to make it all the way to the end of this post without listing off all the reasons why I'm a disgrace to my gender and how I'm too oppressed to think for myself, then this is not about you. If not, well I don't really value your opinion anyway.

The problem I have with this post (apart from its condescending tone) is that it assumes far too much. Firstly to assume that because a woman is not a feminist she is whole heartedly against feminism as an ideology is crap. I studied feminism both in school and in sixth form and believe me when I say, if the feminism I took pride learning about existed today, I would be a feminist. But it's doesn't. Feminism today is the same feminism that posts propaganda on tumblr and makes ridiculous claims like ones made in the screenshot above. Instead of trying to educate people on what feminism truly means to them, why it is so important to them in a respectful manner, these types of feminists insult the very people they are trying to persuade by firstly telling them they 'don't understand what feminism is' and worse that they should 'look it up'. The incredible amount of pressure I have felt as a female to adopt the ideologies of feminism is disgusting. No actually that's not the gross part, the gross part happens once you reject it. 'You're a misoganist, you're too stupid to understand what you're rejecting, you're a disgrace to womankind', are just some of the many ludacris claims I've had thrown my way by enraged so called feminists. 

Let me address these concerns right now. I am an educated open minded (still in progress) woman of the 21st century. My brain works perfectly well thank you very much and while I get that to you the idea that because I have no interest in labelling myself as a feminist is due to anything other than my inability to grasp such a complex ideology is quite frankly pompous bullshit. I'll tell you what turned me off feminism, feminists. Simple as that. I took one (actually several) hard looks at what feminism was and what it used to stand for and what it has become and I said no thank you. I want no part of a feminism that values feminism over women. This is what the statement above is screaming to show to me. We care about all women and men (yeah right who are you fooling) until you disagree with us, until you stand outside the perfectly neat and corrupted lines we've drawn out for you. Gee doesn't it sound familiar feminists? Doesn't it sound an awful lot like what you claim to be against in the first place? 

I must admit this post made me laugh more than it angered me because if anything it only further proves my point, which is that the people steering the feminism train today have very little clue what being respectful is and yet they have the gaul to preach morality and tell non feminists (as if this is the only label they deserve) that they are spitting on the sacred struggle of the past 200 years, a struggle I'd like to point out that they also have had nothing to do with. Unfortunately feminists, ignorance is something I associate with your most radical believers and not with those who fail to buy what you're selling . 

For me there is a line that defines the people I respect and the people who don't really deserve it. And it's got nothing to do with what you believe, if you respect me, I respect you. That's it. It really is that simple for me. My issue lies not with feminists as a whole but with your most aggressive, closed minded and sexist members. The feminists who claim they respect women but can turn on their own gender almost as quickly as they dole out the word misogamist. Feminist who claim they want equal rights for all but see men as the lesser sex. This post actually sickens me. What sickens me more is the idea that there are people who saw this and shared it and thought they were helping their cause. Yeah bravo for judging all women based off of your beliefs alone. Congratulations for spitting on the legacy of women of the past, present and future. (Oh and side note to whom ever wrote this, both men and women were slaves not like that was one of the worst crimes against humanity or anything right)?

You know that old saying 'you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?' Yeah something you might want to think about next time you think of posting shit like this again. 

Love The Girl In Blue 

xoxo

Friends.

Ever feel like you care too much? Like you're doing all the work? Yeah me too.
Its not fair and you shouldn't have to put up with it should you? But is it ever really a question of what you should or shouldn't do, what you do or don't deserve. Because really, when it comes to friendships I like to think that most people know what they expect, what the deserve and they push for that. Not on purpose, I mean the friends I have I didn't go looking for them, they just collected over the years. Some lived down the road, some sat with me at milk times and just never left. You chose your friends the same way you breathe, automatically without thinking. You already have in your being the people you like to spend time with and the people you don't and for me a friend is a healthy mixture of both of those thoughts. They're not perfect, they can't be because you're not and if they were perfect well that would just be unfair wouldn't it? They're the family you sort of chose or at least the family you chose to stick by.

But what I've found recently, is that friends aren't family. They don't stay in your life duty bound, most don't stay at all. Friends or at least my friends are the people who have a master key to the revolving door of my life. Walk in when it suits them, walk out when it no longer suits them and so one and so forth until one or both of us decides to cut ties. Then what used to be a 'lifelong' friendship turns into awkwardly avoiding each other in the street, that uneasy feeling when you pass their house that tells you you should've tried harder.

I have friends who are natural born drifters, they don't see the people who value them as valuable and so they ignore your messages and phone calls. That is until they need you and in their mind you're the only person who can save them in that moment. But in your mind at your angriest when all the unanswered messages and phone calls pile up in a big ball of hurt inside of you, you scream to no one that they can't be saved. It's not your job to be their salvation. And that's the moment you let them go.

I also have friends who much like the aforementioned friends are inherently selfish. They're not your best friend, they're not even a good friend. They're just friends. And for them you're a person (and usually one of many) who does things for them. It doesn't have to be anything huge oh no just all of time and attention and effort and advice. They often leave you feeling empty but forget how you feel because its all about them. This kind of friend is the hardest to love. And love them you truly do, you see why they have so many admirers and you'd like to count yourself among their many and biggest fans but you can't because you know it doesn't matter to them. You're a number on a list. The go to guy when all the other 'guys' are busy. It can be exhausting and painful, like heartbreak times two. One for the love they're unable to return and two for the love you've given them that a better friend deserves. I suppose the saddest part about this friend is that they'll never care enough to notice that while you're their 'best friend' they're your meh friend. You tell them little about yourself because you don't even expect them to ask.

I for one am sick of these kinds of friends. I am fortunate enough to have good and great friends who can steal the light from the friends that I probably won't know in a few years. The friends that while I can't ever be certain will be there for life, I know that while they are with me, they make me glad as hell that I get to be their friend.

Be kind to people and don't be a selfish friend,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Who's That Girl?

The key to knowing who you are is...
Well hell I don't know! And I don't know a single person my age who can confidently say (anything) that they know who they are. Half the time we don't even know what they want. And why should we?

From the moment you start school, you're being trained to become 'who you are' or even cheesier than that 'who you were always meant to be' (ugh). Be that a slacker, an overly ambitious sore loser or just you with no label needed. My point is there is and I've mentioned this before briefly in previous posts, is that there is a constant push to grow up, learn things and make decisions.

I'm 19 and I like to think that I'm one of the more mature people out of the friends I have. Of course everyone grows up at the own pace in some respects some much faster or slower than others. I always felt that I was being forced to make choices about a life I hadn't even thought about yet in a world I didn't understand (and I still don't understand it). Adults be it in the form of teachers, parents, involved distant relatives, all well meaning, telling a 14 year old me that it was time to decide what I wanted to be.

Actually when I think about it, it starts even younger than that for a lot of us. I remember being 5 and already 'knowing' that I wanted to work with animals. Now although that hasn't changed, threats of the 'real world' have forced me to push those juvenile dreams to the bottom of my list. Now I'm looking towards a career in Television! I'm not trying to shift responsibility or blame onto the adults in my life who have always believed they were merely steering me towards the path of success, I only mean that it would've been nice to have been encouraged to have dreams that lay outside the realm of the 'real world'.

 It meant I had to grow up too quickly, worry and stress (as small as they seemed) became more and more a part of my world. How are you going to pass that exam on a topic you picked at random because in your 15 year old brain GCSE'S were the be all and end all? What college are you going to chose so that you can prolong the inevitability of getting a job you hate all because at 14 you decided you were going to become a journalist and you knew this was the right answer because your parents and teachers told you it was?  But maybe I'm just typing out my own fears, maybe I'm alone in this thinking but I very much doubt that.

Knowing who you are and who people want you to be is important. Deciding which matter more to you is also crucial. I've never agreed with people who tell me I should know by now what I want to do with the rest of my life or at least who I am. Goddess knows where (or if) I'll be 5 years from now and that doesn't mean I expect to be living out my 5 year old dreams (although that would be a dream come true!) it just means I don't expect to be stuck working on someone else's dreams for me. I'm lucky enough to know who I am right now at 19. I know that it will change but I also hold hope that some things will never change about me like how much I value my friends. My dreams and what I want and who I want to be matter more to me than what others want me to be. That hasn't always been the case but I hope it remains to be so.

As usual this was a rambling mess that I am not looking forward to editing later tonight because it will still be a rambling mess! There will probably be another edition to this coming soon(ish).

Be kind to one another,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Let's talk about boredom

Being bored sucks right? I know it, you know it so let's just accept it as a fact. Everyone gets bored great another fact we can store away for a rainy day. But there has always been for me a certain type of boredom that hits the hardest and leads to the most destructive types of behaviours.

 For instance picture of yourself say at home phone in hand (or tablet if you're anything like me) and guess what? You are bored off your face. Everything that sounds good to you is only going to lead to a whole host of regrets. Example one and I'm sure most of you can relate. The type of boredom that leads to this kind of thinking. Hmm maybe I should text/phone/FaceTime/contact him/her see what they're up to. You think this when not so deep down you know exactly what they're up to, being the same idiot arsehole they were before you realised they weren't worth the time. Yet you're so desperate   to do/feel/say anything you almost don't care about the consequences of these foolish actions. And so you do it, you commit the grievous act in your boredomd state (not a real word I know just go with it) and whether you get the rush and response you'd been waiting for, eventually the rush fades and all you're left with is something to do. And that something is cleaning up the mess you've just made.

Believe me I know and it's the worst feeling in the world when that cloud of boredom subsides and you once again find something, anything better to do than to waste your breath on someone who wouldn't piss on you when you were on fire. 

That's the first and worst kind of boredom in my humble opinion.

Of course there are other things that boredom can drive you to equally destructive actions. These include thinking you could marathon all fill in space accordingly of that television series you like and get you essay done at the same time.

Stare at the walls and wondering why you ever thought burnt orange was a good colour.

Basically you question you're entire life choices in the space of an hour.

Saying all this being driven to reevaluate your life by boredom can be a good thing. It can make you take a good hard look at yourself because let's face it when you've got a case of chronic boredom why else is there to do?  and it can force you to admit some things you may have been hiding from. 

So you're bored? Start a blog, go for a run, change your nail colour, do something you won't regret once you've found your fun place again. Because while anything isn't better than nothing, some things can lead to amazing things.

Be kind to one another and a happy 2015! 

May it be void of boredom and full of wonderful moments,

Love The Girl In Blue 

xoxo