'Fuck Boys/ Girls'

Calling all fuck boys, users and friendship abusers! This one is about you. I would dedicate this post to you but I'm pretty sure you're all too self absorbed and unaware to notice anything you're not tagged in on facebook.

This is an anger fuelled post, have no doubt about that my friends.

You see, I like to think of myself as a fair minded person, am I cynical and a bit of a bitch? Yes. Do I sometimes have strange reactions to situations? Hell yes BUT then again couldn't most well rounded people claim the same faults? I hope so otherwise this will be a waste of your time.

As a millennial, I am well acquainted with a lot of throw away terms, Lol, BRB, selfie, fleek etc. and I'm not goanna lie, I try my best to stay away from most of them (Lol excluded, I use it way too much,) mostly because I find them to be an insult to my English Lit university education. However, the words 'fuck boy' seem to transcend time itself or rather the meaning behind the words do.

Everyone has at some point come into contact with a 'fuck boy', this particular person does not have to be male to qualify and other words used to describe them would be. user, player, dick, jerk, waste of time. They seem to have the key to that locked and double chained door in our lives we swear we'll never re-open and any time they're feeling bored or like they deserve a second (third, fourth,) chance they just pop up and ruin everything.

Now of course most of our 'fuck boys' come in the form of an ex we can't seem to shake, or that one really annoying flirtation-ship that never had the chance to turn into anything facebook offical, but sometimes these fluctuating pests can be friends we've run miles from only to be surprised instagram messaged by them at 1:00 in the morning with them acting like they didn't delete us from their phone years ago. This does not make them any less irritating or inconvenient though and still sometimes we find ourselves entertaining the notion of unlocking the door for good, letting it swing open to welcome them back into our naive and trusting nature.

Having just mere moments ago broken a cycle (hopefully,) that has lasted 6 years of my life, I can say this with absolute certainty. Once a 'fuck boy', always a 'fuck boy'.

Hey, you know that guy/girl that keeps letting you down say maybe once a year and then disappears until it's time for their annual return? And you know how they keep acting like they've done nothing wrong, that you've got a really shit memory or that they've changed? Yeah it's all total bullshit.

Who'd have thought eh? I'm so angry that it has taken me this long to realise how much of a waste of time this person is. 6 years and he's matured as slowly as that fucking bottle of cheap wine you're waiting to become valuable. What does my head in the most though is, that I honestly never even believed half the crap that came spilling out of his mouth. I knew exactly how it would end, I just didn't know when. And 3 years in, I feared that I would spend the rest of my life getting that sinking pit in my stomach when my phone buzzed and it was him returned from the great land of empty promises. I knew all along he was suffering from a strong case of talkingoutofhisarse-itis but I guess even the cynic in me couldn't overpower my need to see the good in people.

Even when he'd ultimately let me down and fuck off for months sometimes a year at a time, I could never find it in me to say aloud what a shitty person he was. I'd always chalked that inability up to that idea that I just didn't care enough but now I realise that I just hadn't been pushed to my limit yet.

I like to see the good in people just to occasionally prove myself wrong, that maybe this time we could just be friends and I wouldn't be forcing myself into a label I've never wanted for the sake of pleasing yet another undeserving dick.

Personally, I think the worst part of being caught in a destructive cycle with a user, 'fuck boy' whatever, is that it stops you from seeing what the people around you see when they see this person using you. They don't see what you see, to them, this person is not a lost or broken soul reaching out to another nor are they good people with issues. They are bad people who like to use good people for their own entertainment. They do it to validate their self image.

It's like they figure if they can get a 'good girl/guy' to be with them, it won't matter how it ends, it won't matter if they break your heart, or just severely piss you off because they'll have proved to themselves that they are good people, they are capable of being true. All the while being 'true' to several other people as well. Fucking delusional the lot of them.

It finally hit me tonight, when he hung up on me after not getting what he wanted this time, that he was never a good person and more than that, he will never be good enough for someone like me. I got to tell him that tonight (I rang the ignorant pig back! Gave him the shock of his life,) and boy was it liberating. Just knowing he heard these exact words come out of my mouth filled me with guilt free glee. 'You are not a good person, you are a dick and this is the last time I will have anything to do with you, go to hell you waste of air'.

I guess some people who read this will think that was a little rude, so would I a few years ago but after wasting the best part of my teenage years on this cretin of a human, I honestly feel great about sticking it to him one last time, the first time actually. There is something truly awesome about breaking the cycle and setting yourself free from a person who is destined and content to repeat the same old destructive shit with anyone who will enable it. Today I made damn sure that my 20's will not be dominated by the same 'fuck boy' that messed with 15,16, 17, 18, 19, 20 year old me.

God this was a long one but I just needed to get it off my chest so I can sleep.

I hope you all deal with anyone who disrespects you in a similar or more awesome fashion, just remember that they're in denial about what they are, but so long as you know and stay away, they don't need to matter to you any more.


Respect yourselves,

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo