How Well Do You Treat Your Parents?

I'll admit that like most children, I haven't always given my parents the respect I now know they deserve. There have been moments throughout my childhood and particularly my teen years when I have overstepped the mark. Reflecting upon those moments I realise and understand fully why I felt the way I felt and that I was in the wrong. But I suppose hindsight can do that for you, give you the ability to look at past actions with some perspective and say 'Yeah I was an idiot' or even 'Yeah I was right'.

Despite my misgivings, I know for a fact that I was the good child. That may sound a little presumptuous but believe me if you'd met my contenders, even you would hand me the title. I was (and am) the middle child of my household. My older sibling while not as much of a handful as my younger one, still liked to push the boat more than I ever did. I suppose I owe them my thanks because it meant that while they were repeatedly getting grounded for the stupid shit they were doing, I was observing and learning from their mistakes. I was smart enough to know where the line was and how much trouble I was willing to get into by crossing it. This my friends, is a lesson that my younger sibling (along with MANY others) has failed to learn.

The words spoilt and brat come to mind when I think about my sibling. Don't get me wrong I'm spoilt and by this I mean I have been given more than most kids get and I think the difference is is that I grew up respecting what I had in regards to other people and I knew that I was very fortunate. Now, the down side to this is that it has made me a little too self aware and a with a lot of guilt about a lot of things. You know those people who say sorry when YOU step on their foot? Yeah I'm the girl who apologises to other people FOR other people. Its pretty pathetic really. However, I'd rather be the sorry girl, the eternally grateful girl than the child who never appreciates their parents until the damage has been done. But maybe that's just personal preference.

All these points of course are the musings of a 19 years old English student so perhaps I should try looking at it more from the perspective of a 12 year old. Yeah I have believe me, a lot. But unlike everyone else who just put the attitude problem up to age and immaturity, I saw it for what it really was. The youngest child with a clear case of 'only child syndrome' (I know it's not a real thing but at the same time...) It really bugs me to see the two people I was raised to respect most in this world (apart perhaps for myself) be treated like doormats by a ridiculous, pathetic little child. It does more than bug me in fact, it really pisses me off! The constant arguments, the slamming of doors. It's no longer the environment I was used to growing up, its a war zone. And every day I'm still waiting for the right party to wave their white flag.

I guess what this post was really about is being one of the kids that came before the problem child and what that's like. It's awful to watch the reasons why you respect your parents be ignored and erased before your very eyes.

Respect the people who made you who you are, even if that isn't necessarily your mum or dad.

Love, The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Dear Radical Feminists.

Oh god where does one start with this one? No scrap that I know exactly where to start, I'll start at the beginning.

So I recently stumbled upon a post on my Facebook feed about Feminism. Now this was no great surprise to me (I mean I've been on Tumblr) and I know for a fact that I have some proud Feminists as Facebook friends. However this post in particular caught my eye because of the sheer crap it was drenched in.



I feel I should make it known now for all the radical feminists that will stop reading right at this point, I am not a feminist. Now, this does NOT mean that I am against all feminists. Not at all. I really can't stress this enough even though I know that for some it won't matter for they have seen those five dreaded words and have already come to a conclusion about the state of my morals. Look at it this way feminists, if you are able to make it all the way to the end of this post without listing off all the reasons why I'm a disgrace to my gender and how I'm too oppressed to think for myself, then this is not about you. If not, well I don't really value your opinion anyway.

The problem I have with this post (apart from its condescending tone) is that it assumes far too much. Firstly to assume that because a woman is not a feminist she is whole heartedly against feminism as an ideology is crap. I studied feminism both in school and in sixth form and believe me when I say, if the feminism I took pride learning about existed today, I would be a feminist. But it's doesn't. Feminism today is the same feminism that posts propaganda on tumblr and makes ridiculous claims like ones made in the screenshot above. Instead of trying to educate people on what feminism truly means to them, why it is so important to them in a respectful manner, these types of feminists insult the very people they are trying to persuade by firstly telling them they 'don't understand what feminism is' and worse that they should 'look it up'. The incredible amount of pressure I have felt as a female to adopt the ideologies of feminism is disgusting. No actually that's not the gross part, the gross part happens once you reject it. 'You're a misoganist, you're too stupid to understand what you're rejecting, you're a disgrace to womankind', are just some of the many ludacris claims I've had thrown my way by enraged so called feminists. 

Let me address these concerns right now. I am an educated open minded (still in progress) woman of the 21st century. My brain works perfectly well thank you very much and while I get that to you the idea that because I have no interest in labelling myself as a feminist is due to anything other than my inability to grasp such a complex ideology is quite frankly pompous bullshit. I'll tell you what turned me off feminism, feminists. Simple as that. I took one (actually several) hard looks at what feminism was and what it used to stand for and what it has become and I said no thank you. I want no part of a feminism that values feminism over women. This is what the statement above is screaming to show to me. We care about all women and men (yeah right who are you fooling) until you disagree with us, until you stand outside the perfectly neat and corrupted lines we've drawn out for you. Gee doesn't it sound familiar feminists? Doesn't it sound an awful lot like what you claim to be against in the first place? 

I must admit this post made me laugh more than it angered me because if anything it only further proves my point, which is that the people steering the feminism train today have very little clue what being respectful is and yet they have the gaul to preach morality and tell non feminists (as if this is the only label they deserve) that they are spitting on the sacred struggle of the past 200 years, a struggle I'd like to point out that they also have had nothing to do with. Unfortunately feminists, ignorance is something I associate with your most radical believers and not with those who fail to buy what you're selling . 

For me there is a line that defines the people I respect and the people who don't really deserve it. And it's got nothing to do with what you believe, if you respect me, I respect you. That's it. It really is that simple for me. My issue lies not with feminists as a whole but with your most aggressive, closed minded and sexist members. The feminists who claim they respect women but can turn on their own gender almost as quickly as they dole out the word misogamist. Feminist who claim they want equal rights for all but see men as the lesser sex. This post actually sickens me. What sickens me more is the idea that there are people who saw this and shared it and thought they were helping their cause. Yeah bravo for judging all women based off of your beliefs alone. Congratulations for spitting on the legacy of women of the past, present and future. (Oh and side note to whom ever wrote this, both men and women were slaves not like that was one of the worst crimes against humanity or anything right)?

You know that old saying 'you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?' Yeah something you might want to think about next time you think of posting shit like this again. 

Love The Girl In Blue 

xoxo

Friends.

Ever feel like you care too much? Like you're doing all the work? Yeah me too.
Its not fair and you shouldn't have to put up with it should you? But is it ever really a question of what you should or shouldn't do, what you do or don't deserve. Because really, when it comes to friendships I like to think that most people know what they expect, what the deserve and they push for that. Not on purpose, I mean the friends I have I didn't go looking for them, they just collected over the years. Some lived down the road, some sat with me at milk times and just never left. You chose your friends the same way you breathe, automatically without thinking. You already have in your being the people you like to spend time with and the people you don't and for me a friend is a healthy mixture of both of those thoughts. They're not perfect, they can't be because you're not and if they were perfect well that would just be unfair wouldn't it? They're the family you sort of chose or at least the family you chose to stick by.

But what I've found recently, is that friends aren't family. They don't stay in your life duty bound, most don't stay at all. Friends or at least my friends are the people who have a master key to the revolving door of my life. Walk in when it suits them, walk out when it no longer suits them and so one and so forth until one or both of us decides to cut ties. Then what used to be a 'lifelong' friendship turns into awkwardly avoiding each other in the street, that uneasy feeling when you pass their house that tells you you should've tried harder.

I have friends who are natural born drifters, they don't see the people who value them as valuable and so they ignore your messages and phone calls. That is until they need you and in their mind you're the only person who can save them in that moment. But in your mind at your angriest when all the unanswered messages and phone calls pile up in a big ball of hurt inside of you, you scream to no one that they can't be saved. It's not your job to be their salvation. And that's the moment you let them go.

I also have friends who much like the aforementioned friends are inherently selfish. They're not your best friend, they're not even a good friend. They're just friends. And for them you're a person (and usually one of many) who does things for them. It doesn't have to be anything huge oh no just all of time and attention and effort and advice. They often leave you feeling empty but forget how you feel because its all about them. This kind of friend is the hardest to love. And love them you truly do, you see why they have so many admirers and you'd like to count yourself among their many and biggest fans but you can't because you know it doesn't matter to them. You're a number on a list. The go to guy when all the other 'guys' are busy. It can be exhausting and painful, like heartbreak times two. One for the love they're unable to return and two for the love you've given them that a better friend deserves. I suppose the saddest part about this friend is that they'll never care enough to notice that while you're their 'best friend' they're your meh friend. You tell them little about yourself because you don't even expect them to ask.

I for one am sick of these kinds of friends. I am fortunate enough to have good and great friends who can steal the light from the friends that I probably won't know in a few years. The friends that while I can't ever be certain will be there for life, I know that while they are with me, they make me glad as hell that I get to be their friend.

Be kind to people and don't be a selfish friend,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Who's That Girl?

The key to knowing who you are is...
Well hell I don't know! And I don't know a single person my age who can confidently say (anything) that they know who they are. Half the time we don't even know what they want. And why should we?

From the moment you start school, you're being trained to become 'who you are' or even cheesier than that 'who you were always meant to be' (ugh). Be that a slacker, an overly ambitious sore loser or just you with no label needed. My point is there is and I've mentioned this before briefly in previous posts, is that there is a constant push to grow up, learn things and make decisions.

I'm 19 and I like to think that I'm one of the more mature people out of the friends I have. Of course everyone grows up at the own pace in some respects some much faster or slower than others. I always felt that I was being forced to make choices about a life I hadn't even thought about yet in a world I didn't understand (and I still don't understand it). Adults be it in the form of teachers, parents, involved distant relatives, all well meaning, telling a 14 year old me that it was time to decide what I wanted to be.

Actually when I think about it, it starts even younger than that for a lot of us. I remember being 5 and already 'knowing' that I wanted to work with animals. Now although that hasn't changed, threats of the 'real world' have forced me to push those juvenile dreams to the bottom of my list. Now I'm looking towards a career in Television! I'm not trying to shift responsibility or blame onto the adults in my life who have always believed they were merely steering me towards the path of success, I only mean that it would've been nice to have been encouraged to have dreams that lay outside the realm of the 'real world'.

 It meant I had to grow up too quickly, worry and stress (as small as they seemed) became more and more a part of my world. How are you going to pass that exam on a topic you picked at random because in your 15 year old brain GCSE'S were the be all and end all? What college are you going to chose so that you can prolong the inevitability of getting a job you hate all because at 14 you decided you were going to become a journalist and you knew this was the right answer because your parents and teachers told you it was?  But maybe I'm just typing out my own fears, maybe I'm alone in this thinking but I very much doubt that.

Knowing who you are and who people want you to be is important. Deciding which matter more to you is also crucial. I've never agreed with people who tell me I should know by now what I want to do with the rest of my life or at least who I am. Goddess knows where (or if) I'll be 5 years from now and that doesn't mean I expect to be living out my 5 year old dreams (although that would be a dream come true!) it just means I don't expect to be stuck working on someone else's dreams for me. I'm lucky enough to know who I am right now at 19. I know that it will change but I also hold hope that some things will never change about me like how much I value my friends. My dreams and what I want and who I want to be matter more to me than what others want me to be. That hasn't always been the case but I hope it remains to be so.

As usual this was a rambling mess that I am not looking forward to editing later tonight because it will still be a rambling mess! There will probably be another edition to this coming soon(ish).

Be kind to one another,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Let's talk about boredom

Being bored sucks right? I know it, you know it so let's just accept it as a fact. Everyone gets bored great another fact we can store away for a rainy day. But there has always been for me a certain type of boredom that hits the hardest and leads to the most destructive types of behaviours.

 For instance picture of yourself say at home phone in hand (or tablet if you're anything like me) and guess what? You are bored off your face. Everything that sounds good to you is only going to lead to a whole host of regrets. Example one and I'm sure most of you can relate. The type of boredom that leads to this kind of thinking. Hmm maybe I should text/phone/FaceTime/contact him/her see what they're up to. You think this when not so deep down you know exactly what they're up to, being the same idiot arsehole they were before you realised they weren't worth the time. Yet you're so desperate   to do/feel/say anything you almost don't care about the consequences of these foolish actions. And so you do it, you commit the grievous act in your boredomd state (not a real word I know just go with it) and whether you get the rush and response you'd been waiting for, eventually the rush fades and all you're left with is something to do. And that something is cleaning up the mess you've just made.

Believe me I know and it's the worst feeling in the world when that cloud of boredom subsides and you once again find something, anything better to do than to waste your breath on someone who wouldn't piss on you when you were on fire. 

That's the first and worst kind of boredom in my humble opinion.

Of course there are other things that boredom can drive you to equally destructive actions. These include thinking you could marathon all fill in space accordingly of that television series you like and get you essay done at the same time.

Stare at the walls and wondering why you ever thought burnt orange was a good colour.

Basically you question you're entire life choices in the space of an hour.

Saying all this being driven to reevaluate your life by boredom can be a good thing. It can make you take a good hard look at yourself because let's face it when you've got a case of chronic boredom why else is there to do?  and it can force you to admit some things you may have been hiding from. 

So you're bored? Start a blog, go for a run, change your nail colour, do something you won't regret once you've found your fun place again. Because while anything isn't better than nothing, some things can lead to amazing things.

Be kind to one another and a happy 2015! 

May it be void of boredom and full of wonderful moments,

Love The Girl In Blue 

xoxo

No 'I' in team.

Working with other people in probably one of the most stressful things a person can make me do. I, like a lot of writers, like to work alone. Solo dolo style. Now don't get me wrong if and when situations occur that require me to share my ideas and credibility with one of more other people, I won't protest (too much) but I won't be too happy about it.

For me there are so many reasons why working with other people in a 'team' causes me major worries and issues. Reason number 1, some people are just plain lazy. That's it, its a home truth, there are certain people you come across in life be it in school or in the world of work that make you question why they are there (nowhere is this more true than in higher education). These types of people annoy me because they make what can already be quite a distressing situation, well a hell of a lot worse.

Working hard or hardly working should and is the motto of every group I have ever worked in. Meaning they are those who work their butts off to make whatever task we've been given a success... and then there the free loaders, the dead weights. They are the lead/rock to your balloon and the cause of most of your headaches.
 If working in a group has taught me anything over the years and especially recently, its that you should never EVER be made to work with your friends. You learn the pros and cons of having them on your team and spend most of your time trying to coax the pros out of them in the form of contribution. To no avail (in my case anyway). Honestly for me, its a real eye opener, its the kind of event that makes you go Hmm, this person is a slacker. Since when have I befriended slackers? Makes you wonder how you never saw their flake like nature.

Now of course I realise that there are other members of a team that can really be your saving grace. Often they are not your friend but they become a better friend than the actual friend you've been made to tolerate as a group member. This other party acts as the barrier, the line of communication even between you and your almost nearly ex-friend. The work eventually gets done, not so many feeling are hurt and in time you learn to get over the traumatising experience of working with a friend vowing never again.

Like I say, this is all good if that's the case. However, I wonder what happens when the experience is so revealing and upsetting that you find it difficult, verging on impossible to forgive and forget this 'friend'? What do you do when whatever stress inducing mess went down and the pure resentment that was born of it lingers once the group work has ceased?

In my case, I think I'm just crap at forgiving. It take me a long time to trust someone and only a second for me to withdraw that trust.

The lesson here for me (if you can find a better one then do so) is that while there might be no 'I' in team, there certainly is an 'I' in insanity and friendship. As in 'I' don't know if 'I' want to be a friend to a certain type of person who drives me insane and doesn't care because for me if I can't work with you in a group without wanting to walk away, then something is clearly missing. And I can have friends I don't trust as much as I can be one, not at all.

Be kind to one another,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Lets talk about depression.

Keeping in theme with the cheery posts recently, today I want to talk about depression.
There are many common perceptions when it comes to mental health issues. Here are just a few that I've heard get tossed around.

1. Everybody gets depressed. Its no big deal.
2. You're not depressed. You just need to chose to be happy. Suppress it.
3. Depression isn't a mental illness everyone has it at some point.

You might be thinking to yourself right now, yeah so what? Some of those points are pretty sound. To which I would say that anyone who uses one of these as a way of writing off someone struggling with depression, is either ignorant of what depression actually is or simply doesn't care. And I know which one I find to be worse.

So let me start by addressing these statements one by one.

1. The notion that since 'everybody' gets depressed its rendered something you just have to get on with, to me is a very British attitude and its awful. Honestly I don't think that everybody is unlucky enough to suffer from depression in their lives, all people do however, go through times when they feel down. I would hazard a guess that a lot of people have, more than anyone would actually think but still to assume that its so common that its normal is ridiculous. It is a big deal. It can be crushing and frustrating and never ending. You wouldn't tell someone with cancer that its no big deal, why treat a different kind of battle with any less respect?

2. This one is one I've heard a lot. Sometimes its been told to me disguised as advice. Well its not very good advice I've found because being depressed isn't choosing not to be happy, its not a choice at all. I bet if you speak to anyone who either suffers with bouts of depression (like myself) or anyone who has ever experienced it at one point or another, I would hope that they would tell you something similar to what I'm about to. If it was a choice between feeling happy and feeling the way depression makes you feel, it wouldn't even be a competition, I would chose to be happy 100%, if they were my only options that is.

3. This final statement is possibly the most ignorant of them all and the one that upsets me the most. Its once again the notion that because its common its normal and therefore not that serious. Depression is a mental illness. People suffer and struggle with it more than once in their lives. It becomes something you get given medication to try to control. It dulls down your entire being. You go from being 100% you, mood swings and all, to a totally different person. You become your depression. (I can't stress enough that this is just my experience with depression I do not speak for everyone with depression).

Growing up in the kind of society that many of us do (western, fast paced), its easy for us to get caught up with labels. If you could count all the labels you could ever possibly fit into, well you'd be wasting a lot of time. But there is a particular stigma that hangs over mental health. Looking back at the history of how England especially dealt with mentally ill people, it makes me shudder. I feel grateful that there are so many more resources for people who feel isolated by the rest of society to reach out to. Although I myself have never been brave enough to do so, for now just the knowledge that its there should I ever need it is enough.

I remember the first time I realised I was depressed and I told someone about it. It wasn't the huge relief I thought it would be to be honest. We were on holiday and I was quite deep in my own world. The very first words to come out of her mouth after watching tears roll down my face were. 'Oh thank god, I thought it was something serious'

So like I said, not the best reception. As someone who prides herself on being independent, forward thinking and open minded, I sat and listened to her list the many reasons SHE thought I was the way I was. Among many of them were some real golden ones.

• You're a creative mind aren't you, bound to happen. You're too much in your own head (way to stereotype)
• Its your generation. We just had to get on with it. (yes and look how mentally stable you are)
• You've always been like this, never thought anything of it before.

Truly I expected all of those words to come tumbling out of her mouth, that's why I think I'm still in doubt over whether or not I truly have it. This disease of the mind. What I found most troubling was that the person I confided in actually thought that this was yet another label I WANTED to add to my being. Like anyone wants to be depressed. I won't deny the utter relief I felt when I finally got the help I so needed but that stemmed entirely from the not knowing. Because if you're anything like me (a curious mind), that's the part that kills you. Knowing there is something not quite right but not knowing what it is. Don't get me wrong once I knew I was likely to suffer with swings of depression for the rest of my life, I cried for a while. Its not a war I'm ever going to win, it'll always be there because the capability has always been there. All through school the highest highs and then the unexplainable lows. And never ever truly knowing why somehow made it worse. 

However, I don't intend to let this particular label get the best of me. I am not my depression and you are not yours. 

Please don't EVER feel you're the only one going through this. But please don't ever let anyone tell you that it doesn't matter because it does, a lot.

Please feel free to comment with your own thoughts and experiences with depression, they are always welcome.

Here are some sites that I myself will check out too.

For support in dealing with depression:

www.turn2me.org 

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Depression/Pages/Causes.

www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/mental-health-a-z/D/depression/

Be Kind to people and to yourself,

Love The Girl In Blue

xoxo