Girl in Blue Blogs About...: Why Giving Blood and Being a Black Donor Matters.

Girl in Blue Blogs About...: Why Giving Blood and Being a Black Donor Matters.: Here is what happens when you go to donate blood as a black donor. Firstly, if you are not registered to give blood… go and d...

Why Giving Blood and Being a Black Donor Matters.

Here is what happens when you go to donate blood as a black donor.

Firstly, if you are not registered to give blood… go and do that here:https://www.blood.co.uk/the-donation-process/registering-online/

Below is a quick video showing you just how quick and easy registering to donate really is.

But what do I need in order to register to give blood, I hear you ask but don’t fret dear reader, I will break it all down for you, it’s a very simple process that will make a huge difference to many people’s health and lives. To become a blood donor (with the NHS of course,) all you need is…

1.      An online account which requires you to enter your email address and make a password (not too difficult please remember, this is an easy process.)

2.      Verify your email address through the link they will send you.

3.      Then you will be asked to enter further details about yourself such as Name title etc. If you have given blood before, you will have what is called a Blood donor ID, 9 characters in length but don’t worry if you either do not yet have one, can’t remember if you do or if you’ve lost it, you can still go forward with the registering process.

4.      Enter you ethnicity group (From the options listed.)

5.      Pop in your home number, mobile number and address (the first two required in order to contact you about appointments, and an address to point you in the direction of the nearest blood donation session to you,) and congratulations, you’re a registered donor!

Once you have completed all of this, you will be told where you’re closest location to donate is and when the next session will be. Blood donations are usually run every few months and the time slots vary. The nursing staff will aim to have your entire session from last less than an hour from start to finish. Now, let me tell you exactly what to expect when in an average blood donation session.

What to Expect

If you have already made an appointment over the phone ahead of the scheduled session, the week prior you should have received a form to fill out via post. Depending upon whether you are a first time donor or a returning donor, the form you get will be slightly different. The form will ask questions about the following, your sexual physical health, travel patterns, any body piercings or tattoos you may have and how long ago.

These screening questions are to ensure you are in relative good health in order to go forward (hopefully) with regular donation. Once you arrive at the actual appointment, you will hand in your sheet, be given a cup of water and directed to a seating area with some reading material about the importance of giving blood and what to expect afterwards e.g. no heavy lifting, what to do if (in rare instances) the bleeding hasn’t stopped after a certain amount of time. You will be asked to read this information thoroughly before proceeding further into the session.

Once your name is called by one of the nurses, you will be taken to cubicle where you will be asked to confirm answers given on your screening sheet. Then your middle finger on a chosen hand will be pricked and a drop of blood taken and tested for iron deficiency.

If all goes well, you be then be seated in a (very comfortable,) recliner chair and the blood donation process can begin. The area of your arm in which the needle is placed is swabbed thourougly before the needle is (gently and with precision,) inserted into a vein on an arm of your choosing and you are off to the races giving blood! (Hoozah!)

You will be asked to do some exercises while donating in order to help maintain your blood pressure e.g. balling up your fist for a few seconds, un-balling (lather rince and repeat.)

All in all the donation process (so long as you keep that blood pressure up!) will take about 15 minutes. Needle removed, small plaster to take its place and you’ll be away… for a snack (my favourite part,) where you will sit for as long or as little as you like before being able to go on your way and viola! Congratulations you donated blood for the first time!

It really is that simple and very rewarding to know you are contributing to your own community’s health. And after a few times of donation, you will receive a key ring with your blood type on so you can find out how rare (or common) your blood type is (we all secretly want to be the rarest), however all blood types are needed especially within the black community so please do not hesitate to register, find your nearest donation session and change black lives today! You never know when you or someone you love might also be in need of blood, all the more reason to donate ASAP!

The Terrifying Truths

Right now, we need more people from all minority backgrounds to register and donate blood and here is why it matters.

“There are racial and ethnic differences in blood type and composition. Your blood type is inherited in the same way as your eye and hair colour. That is why it is almost impossible to find a rare blood type that is needed to transfuse an Asian patient, for example, in a donor who is caucasian, and vice versa.”

The more people from minority backgrounds who donate, the more people from minority backgrounds suffering from disorders such as sickle cell are able to receive the blood type they need in order to live their lives as fully as possible. Despite making up 14% of the population, fewer than 5% of the ethnic minority population are donors, this is a huge issue as a large percentage of people who suffer from blood disorders such as Sickle Cell (90% in black British patients) and Thalassaemia are from ethnic minority backgrounds. 1% of those donors are from black backgrounds.

“It is estimated that 1,000 people in the UK have thalassaemia, and between 13,000-15,000 people in the UK have sickle cell disease.”

The NHS has a goal to register at least 40,000 more black donors, will you help by becoming one of them?

Please register to give blood today and help bring these shocking statistics down.

For more in depth information about blood donation within black communities and the effects of disorders such as Sickle Cell, click the link below.

https://www.blood.co.uk/news-and-campaigns/the-donor-magazine-winter-2017/why-we-need-more-black-blood-donors/

Middle Age Men.

This post is going to be an angry one so buckle up.


I am so sick of middle aged men who can't decide whether they want to fuck me or parent me. I'm also sick of the amount of shit my generation gets for being selfish, weak and any number of other negative adjectives and descriptors. The generation above us is pathetic. Childish, at times sexist men playing dress up as open minded to get younger women lurk around every corner. Not because they want to relive their youth or even maybe (and sadly,) because they wish to prove that they quote 'still have it' but because they think we are easier to manipulate, degrade and control. Not I said the cat (me being the cat in this situation). Fuck that and fuck them. Don't get me wrong, males my age can be immature and flaky as all get out but by gum if older men don't give them a run for their money in who can act the least like their age.


Recently, I have seen an increasing amount of men hiding behind a more laid back and open minded facade, reveal their true colours. It may only have been a flash of anger, a hint of bitterness but I saw it and it was enough to raise a red flag. Being older shouldn't mean your world view is given more merit than that of a person younger than you mostly because it doesn't mean your view is any good. Take for example the very ugly prejudices that older people are more likely to carry around in their back pockets, bringing them uninvited to family parties and falling back on the age old excuse of 'it was a different time back then.' Your age doesn't make you better than anyone, it doesn't 100% of the time mean that you have all the right answers, sometime you're just too old and too bitter to get it and that's fine but there is a difference between wisdom and age and for some folk, never the twain shall meet.



My body, my mind, my mouth. Don't like it, fuck off  because I have a father and he doesn't act anything like any of you lot.


Rant over.

World Mental Health Day. 6 Things I Want You to Know

It's World Mental Health Day. So let's talk about it.

But since I'm not in the best mental space myself to and I've never been much for long posts, here are 6 things I want you to remember or know (if you don't already.)

1. Your mental health journey is completely your own.

Sounds painfully obvious but I think that we forget while we're sharing every bowel movement on social media, that no one is entitled to know where your head is at. It's perfectly okay to admit that you are struggling, just please don't feel you owe an explanation to strangers on the internet. You don't.

2. Feeling alone is normal.

Again I bring up social media because it is such a wonderful invention. Connecting with people all across the world it can feel like you're surrounded by friends. And not to belittle that feeling because I honestly think it's a genuine feeling to have, this doesn't always mean that you feel seen and heard. Actually, this is true of the literal people around you too, I live in a house filled with people and yet there a times (now especially,) when I feel so unbelievably alone, it's hard to cope. When you start to feel this way, please remember to reach out to someone, even if in your current mindset you believe they won't care, chances are, they've been waiting to feel seen and heard too.

3. Fight the darkness.

When you're in that dark place your mind takes you to from time to time, the easiest possible thing to do would be to submit to it. Stay in bed because who will honestly miss you? Drop that hobby because it was never really going anywhere in the first place. I get that feeling and I am guilty of giving in to it on occasion too. But here's the thing, when you get out of bed and do something as simple as have a shower, you are showing yourself that you can't be beaten and you don't wish to occupy that dark place for very long. Easier said than done of course but that is why you have to do before you can dismiss it. Never stop fighting.

4. Take care of you.

I don't know that people take the time just be with themselves enough without feeling self conscious or guilty. Sometimes you just need to not be around people. I know that this is true for me, people drain me, I feel anxious and switched on. There is no shame in switching off for a while and it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. It could simply be watching a show you enjoy, reading a book or taking a walk. I personally every now and then like to go to the cinema in the middle of the day, sit in the dark sparsely attended theater and just switch off. It's a good way to look after your mental health, whether you are suffering at the moment or not, everyone needs a sanctuary.

5. Look for joy.

Seeking out things that bring us joy seems impossible when we feel like joy is avoiding us. No body like rejection. It might sound odd to associate laughter with depression but I think there is an important point to be made. People often assume that because someone is laughing, they are happy overall, true in that moment they are experiencing joy but who is to say that once that moment of sunshine is over, that the clouds won't descend upon them once more? But here is my main point, be that person who experiences even fleeting moments of joy, watch an an entire YouTube playlist dedicated to cute and inspiring animal videos, watch a shit tonne of TED talks, try ASMR (if that's what you're into, I won't judge,) just find something to make you believe if only for a moment, that the entire world isn't a flaming ball of shit. You might be surprised how nice it is to find yourself laughing.

6. Let. It. Out.

Lastly but most importantly. Do NOT bottle up your feelings. When has this ever helped anyone in the long term? Answer never. How you feel is how you feel, there is no use denying, suppressing or ignoring it. It won't go away and even if it does, don't expect it not to come back all the stronger and in a way you have no control over. If you're not a big crier (like me,) find a form of expression that works for you (and doesn't get you arrested.) Throw some chipped plates at a wall in your back yard, write it out (Hello!) sing, rant to yourself (another favourite of mine) rant to a friend or a family member (one who is willing to just listen) but whatever you do, for fuck sake don't push it down and pray it'll move onto the next one. You feel this way for a reason, addressing it is the only way to ensure that the next time it knocks at your door, you're armed with tools to tell it to fuck off.


So there it is, my 6 (odd number I know,) World Mental Health Day tips I want you to know. You are not in this totally alone, there is always someone who will understand and want to help you, you just have to find one of them (honestly there are loads!)

Linked below are a few websites to help you on your road to a healthier mind.

Be kind to each other and to yourself.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

World Mental Health Day website: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/world-mental-health-day

Mind, for better mental health: https://www.mind.org.uk/

Dear God Please Lets Talk About: Cultural Appropriation...

And how it's not a thing. Well at least not in the way hyper sensitive and often 2nd generation immigrants think it is anyway.

 My grandma beams with excitement and enthusiasm whenever she is able to share her West Indian heritage with people, the food she enjoys cooking, the music she once danced to as a youth "back home" and all that enthusiasm clashes so harshly with the concept of 'cultural appropriation'. As though an openness and willingness to invite other people from other cultures into your own is some kind of abuse. That they by entering into it, ready to soak up the beauty, are invaders bursting through the locked gates, rather than welcomed guests. It's so odd.

 Odder still is that whenever I see the phrase used, it's seldom by immigrants or natives of the culture but instead their spoiled 2/3nd etc generation kin. And as an aforementioned grandchild of immigrants, I wonder if it's a disease of my generation that we're constantly looking for something to fight against, an injustice to march for, an itch to scratch... but we have nothing and so we nitpick.

 One moment it's who can wear braids in their hair, the next it's rewriting the age old definition of racism to mean power + privilege. The similarity between all these 'issues' is that they pail in comparison to the fight our parents and grandparents had as unfamiliars in a new country, dealing with the insults and the whispers and the mistrust. Now we walk down those same streets that we've likely grown up on and think nothing of looking differently than the person who passes us by. I'm not suggesting we live in some post-racial paradise but we're a hell of a lot closer than our grandparents were and it's because of them. Does it ever occur to the champions and gatekeepers of 'other cultures' that perhaps our grandparents and the natives of the countries they moved to, used the act of sharing and learning about cultures other than their own to integrate into communities that transcended cultural differences? No of course not.

My family's ability to be so open to everyone they meet regardless is perhaps why I have such a 'relaxed' view on culture and who can have what. I just don't think it matter whether a little girl on holiday in Jamaica wears braids in her hair or if a high school student goes to prom in Chinese attire. You know why I don't think it matters? Because I don't automatically assume that either are doing so with any malicious intent, curiosity isn't ignorance and it isn't a crime. I also am not so arrogant as to assume that the things within 'my culture' belong solely to or  originated from said culture. These people don't even bother to do any research before they attempt to snatch the chopsticks from your hand. They never seem to know all that much about their precious and protected cultures. It's like mate your culture is x-box and kebabs, chill out. Maybe they cling to their parent's culture so hard because they are further removed from it, they have grown up eating different food, speaking a different language alongside eating their parent's traditional food, speaking their parent's native tongue etc. Either way, if you act like you are the only one who can enjoy your culture guilt free, you're a dick.

 I find people who act as guard dog to their grandparent's culture and think of themselves as some sort of defenders of a homeland they've probably never been to more than once, pathetic. What makes you think that if the people who left their home countries so that their future family (YOU,) could have better opportunities are un-bothered and actually excited by questions about their culture, interest in clothing and food, that you should be? What makes you so fucking special? Stop being so precious because chances are, you're not doing it because you actually give a monkeys about 'your culture' but because you enjoy punishing people and engaging in tribalism and calling it progressive. You just end up looking like a total arsehole. Why are you trying to discourage people from taking an interest in other cultures? Surely you're aware of all the awful events that have happened over the course of history because people were insensitive to other cultures, after all you do love to spout on about the oppression in YOUR history.


Rant over, hopefully we all learned something.


Stop being a culture hog, they are (most of them,) are beautiful and worth learning about.


Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

'13 Reasons Why' is a shit show.

Okay, I have so many thoughts, feelings and concerns about the show '13 Reasons Why' that I can barely think straight.

I watched it quite a few months ago and almost every one of the 13 episodes left me agog and aghast. I shit you not, this post has been on the books ever since. And now OF COURSE THEY HAVE A SECOND SEASON! I'm torn between the urge to hate watch just to see how they could possibly justify it's existence and not giving this dumpster fire of a show anymore attention (bar this post of course). Not only is the writing questionable but the plot and the motivations of most of the characters play out like they were thought up by angry 12 years olds.

So here it is.

SUICIDE IS NOT A FORM OF REVENGE!

Honestly I could just leave it there and the people who have suffered through the show will know exactly what I mean, whether you agree with me or not is irrelevant but you should know what I'm talking about.

Since I doubt that if you're reading this and you haven't seen the show by now, this post is not going to sway you to watch it, I'll give a brief summary of what goes down in this fucked up show.

*Side note: I can't actually believe how much praise this show has been getting, it's fucking awful.


The show focuses on the central character Hannah, who when we join the story is already dead of suicide. Now we all know what suicide means but apparently the writers of the show, the character of Hannah and all of the other idiot characters (especially Clay bless his heart,) seem not to know what the fuck it means.

Clay (our other, far more likable main character,) is left feeling all kinds of gutted that his friend is gone, then he receives a box of tapes that Hannah made shortly before committing suicide. Roll credits '13 Reasons Why'. When I say tapes I do indeed mean cassette tapes, you know those things that were around (for the very start of my music consuming career,) in the 80's and 90's that got all tangled up in your mum's tape player? Yeah she records her '13 reasons' on cassette tapes (front and back of course). Maybe this is the cynic in me but am I the only one who rolled her eyes at this concept, like OF COURSE IT WOULD BE ON A CASSETTE TAPE! How else will anyone know how different and out there the character of Hannah was!? It just screamed pretension to me and trust me that was just the beginning.

And at this point dear reader you may be thinking, 'Hmm 13 reasons why what? Why she loved her dear friend Clay? why she felt so low and desperate that she took her own life? 13 reasons why he shouldn't feel guilty about her death?' Yeah no scrap all of that because what Hannah does instead is create a box of blame and then peaces the fuck out.

As you probably guessed the 'reasons why' is referring to reasons why Hannah dead. And let me tell you I sat through the whole bloody show and only one (one and a half at a push,) of the reasons were serious enough to create so much despair and anger in Hannah.

I forgot to mention that this show is set in high school, I know right? Bloody school, a shit time for most, a hell scape for others but here's the thing, life is hard, school is a part of that and most of the reasons on Hannah's list are average high school experiences that in an emotionally stable teen would cause no more than a week or two of commotion.

In no way am I trying to downplay teenagers who do actually suffer from mental illness and suicidal thoughts, I am simply stating that Hannah was not an accurate depiction of one.

Let me explain.

Firstly, the character of Hannah is far from a sympathetic one. You would think that in a show aimed at impressionable young people (myself included,) the writers would try and dumb it down for us by at least making us feel empathy and or sympathy for ONE OF THE BLOODY PROTAGONISTS. But alas, Hannah is cold, judgmental and kind of a bitch to her friends. What is there to like about her? I couldn't tell you, if the writers were hoping her death alone would be enough to make me like this girl, they really shit the bed on this one. Not even her being dead made her more tolerable.

Secondly and this is my biggest problem with this show, the way Hannah goes about her own death, planning it out, taking the time to pin point each and every problem (and I mean the slightest gripe,) with people she thought had done her wrong (honestly if you looked at this chick sideways in the hall one day, you're going on the tapes.) I wish I was exaggerating dear reader but it's true, there was indeed a character who was put on the tape simply for publishing a poem of Hannah's in the school paper. And the show acts like this kid is the devil and we're supposed to take it seriously as one of the reasons why she committed suicide!?

Not only does this demonise a teenager for behaving like a teenager, it praises Hannah for reacting like a drama queen. Why would this ever be a reason a person would become suicidal? It's honestly a joke. Like I mentioned earlier, something serious does happen to Hannah something very serious and just awful and that for me was the singular moment that justified her despair however even that raised some issues because she goes on to the blame a teacher for not being a mind reader.

I'd rather this post wasn't too long and so I'm just going to cut to the chase (and maybe follow with a part 2.)


The biggest reason that this show sucks is that it puts this dead girl up on a pedestal for killing herself, not asking for help and worst of all seeking revenge through her own death. Just think about it for a moment, taking the time to sit down (supposedly in a suicidal haze,) and direct blame and responsibility for you deciding to take your own life, to your peers for the dumbest most trivial things? That doesn't sound like Hannah was suicidal, it doesn't sound like it should be a preachy Netflix original about actions having consequences, it sounds like a fucking horror movie.

Imagine being so vindictive and immature as to spend time not reaching out to your friend or your counselor for help but to craft cruel tapes of shame doling out responsibility for the way YOU feel and taking none for your own actions (because a lot of the situations she blames people for she is NOT as innocent as she would have us believe her to be.) What made my jaw drop even more though was that, among the people who had also watched the show (mainly my friends,) I seemed to be alone in my thinking. They were so blown away and empowered and angered by Hannah's actions while I just wondered what the fuck I had just watched.

However and surprisingly when I turned to the internet for sanity, I was met with well, sanity. Reams and reams of articles, vlogs and even studies about how harmful the messages being sent on this show were to it's intended audience. Studies indicating that suicidal people should never be shown depictions of suicide (of which there is a very graphic one in the show) People who mirrored my dismay at the disgusting notion that your suicide should be motivated by a 'I'll show them' mindset.
I don't know of many suicidal people who plot the downfall of the people they blame mostly because they are busy actually being suicidal not verging on sociopath like Hannah.

I will finish off by saying that I've been following the responses to the second season and I am pleased to say that they are not good. There has been much controversy around certain other brutal scenes depicted in the show. But what I mostly saw was exactly what I had thought when they announced season 2 and that is...

What the fuck for?


God this show is a train wreck. No hate to the actors of course they seem passionate about the message which makes it even more sad that the only messages it sends are bad ones.


If you watch this show, goddess help you, if you don't, I hear Brooklyn Nine Nine has just been saved from cancellation... just putting that out there.

Suicide is NOT a form of revenge, say it with me people!

Love,

The horrified and angry Girl in Blue

xoxo

Something I want girls to know.

As girls I don't think we are told enough of the right information about life. We're not warned enough about the pressures and expectations that will be put upon us especially when it comes to sex.

Yep that three letter word that depending on who you ask and what day of the week it is, either means a little or means a lot.

I was always told whether directly from friends, older family members or indirectly through the crappy teen dramas on the telly box, that for us gals sex is always going to be a big deal. Or at least it's supposed to be. And nowhere was this pressure placed more than on our virginity. Dear christ the amount of times I've heard people bang on and on about how the first time will be insert adjective here, Special, painful, bloody, awkward, scary. 

I'd love to know where the PSA is for boys and the first time they do it? I'd like to see how many boys are told that 'losing' their virginity is like losing a part of themselves or that they are 'giving' themselves to someone else. I fucking loathe it. It honestly has helped me to build up such an anxiety around the whole act, it's sad. 

Having sex for the first time shouldn't be a fucking trauma for anyone. Everyone's first time is different and yes for some girls it can be (insert aforementioned adjectives,) but it's definitely not a one size fits all situation.

I just wish that out of all the scary, anxiety inducing things people told me about the first time I had sex, that someone would have stopped to tell me that it wasn't supposed to feel terrifying making the decision to 'give' or to 'lose' a part of myself to someone.

Sex can be a big deal and it can also not be, that label is completely up to you and the situation you are in. Don't let anyone else dictate what something should mean to you. You don't lose anything when you have sex for the first time, you won't be less virtuous or innocent, it's all bullshit they tell you to scare and shame you for something natural. 

Not only is it possible for you to not be traumatised by the experience, you may even *gasp enjoy it? Crazy I know, that's another thing *they don't want you to know. 

Be kind to yourself.

Love,

The Girl in Blue

xoxo

 

The Subtle Fuck Boy.

In life you will come across (no pun intended, for those with filthy minds,) an assortment of different people. People who treat you well and people who don't.

I'm here to talk about a type of person (in this particular case, a male but this can apply to both genders,) who I feel is overlooked in pop culture.


And he is the Subtle Fuck boy.

Not your average Joe fuck boy, no no no, this is the type of guy you don't see coming until you're neck deep in fuckery. They'll give you cause to believe that they are 'nothing like a fuck boy' that they are sweet, dependable and consistent, or at least for the first few months. Then BAM, it's randomly disappearing for weeks at a time with no explanation before casually showing back up like they've done nothing wrong. It's fucking with your head to make you think you've committed some egregious sin against them to trigger their radio silence. It's sleepless nights wondering if something serious has happened to them or if they're going through something (clue, they're not)

You see, the subtle fuck boy doesn't really care about any other than himself, while outwardly he pretends to be the thoughtful, charmer, internally he is a constant let down, a flake if you will.

The first couple of times he lets you down, you might shrug it off, after all he's usually so consistent right? But this would be your first mistake, he takes this as an allowance, a free pass to not only do it again but to do it sporadically over the whole course of the relationship (if you can even call it that.)

The subtle fuck boy may seem from these examples to be a regular fuck boy however, he is much more sly and cunning, he makes sure his victims are blindsided when he switches up on them.

The best thing to do is to completely cut him off, make it clear your time is valuable and you won't be fucked with by a coward like him. But don't assume that's the last you'll see of him, subtle fuck boys have a 'nice guy' complex that makes it unbearable for them to be perceived as the 'bad guy' he'll lead you on just to make himself feel like the bigger person but don't be fooled, there is no heroism behind his actions, only ego.

I'm learning that while you'll never be able to avoid people trying to waste your time and break your heart, you can learn from it each time and handle it in away that minimises the damage done to you.


Be kind to each other and don't be an arsehole.


Love,

The Girl in Blue

xoxo

Valentines Day x

I know it's not a very valentines post but I feel completely alone. Not in the trivial I wish I had someone way, I feel completely and utterly alone and I have people here.

Family.

Family. Now depending on what your situation is, this word will conjure up many conflicting emotions. Anger, happiness, resentment, love etc.

Family can be great, a wonderful home to retreat to when the world is slowly turning to shit around you. It can also be the source of all your woes and pain. When that is the case, what the hell do you do?

How are you supposed to turn your back on the principles that society has told you you need to have to be a good person?

Personally, I have always found much more comfort in my friendships. They are the family that I have chosen, they are a family that isn't based and rooted in resentment, obligation and forced experiences. I am never lectured about the importance of blood in this family, never made to feel guilty for loving but not liking my family members. It can seem almost impossible to get right with the idea that your family, the family you are able to thrive in, to be yourself in is not the one you were born into.

I know I have been dealing with toxic family relationships for most of my childhood, all of my teens and still in my early 20's. There is a big messy ball of anxiety and guilt and anger rolling about my insides at all times. My heart just wants peace but my head cannot cope with the bullshit and the hoops I have to constantly jump through to achieve it, fragile as it always is. It never lasts.

Whenever I have unburdened my family woes onto friends or extended family members, they are always sympathetic for a while but after a few rant sessions, the judgments rise to the top. I don't blame them, really I don't. I understand why they would think I was being hyperbolic at the time, all teenagers have a pension for drama. I find it so interesting now however, that when they ask for an update on my relationships with members of my family, that they are shocked to learn that very little has changed for the better. In my head I'm screaming I TOLD YOU THIS YEARS AGO WHY ARE YOU SO SURPRISED?

It is some small miracle that siblings can survive living together through hormones and shouting matches and groundings and come out the other side closer as a family. I think the same can be said for parent children relationships. Just because we are blood, we live in the same house, this does not mean we will be compatible as people. Often we are not and we are simply just made to grin and bare each other until someone moves out and we only have to do this shit at Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I am so unbelievably thankful for the family I have and I am grateful to my parents for all they have and continue to do for me with no expectation of gratitude BUT I know that there is one relationship within my immediate family that I would rather let burn. At least for now anyway.

It is important to note that this unhealthy relationship works both ways, I am no saint in this, that I fully acknowledge, it becomes difficult to rectify it however, when you are the only person in the sinking boat to notice that it's sinking.

People lose their minds when you suggest that a relationship that you are currently in, won't last forever. The very idea that you don't walk into every relationship expecting a ring and a promise is insane to some. And so you can imagine the pure look of horror on people's faces when I express that I would very much like to be as far away from my sibling as possible for the rest of my life. I used to waste time letting their judgment wash over me and seep in. Now I just shrug them off, not everyone will get it, I get it but they don't have to live with it and I do.

In a few years maybe things will calm down, I'll grow, they'll grow (hopefully,) and whatever civil relationship can be had will perhaps be had. Until then, I refuse to sit miserable, putting up with toxic and dysfunctional behaviour to make my parents happy. This is my life after all.


You don't ever have to put up with less than you deserve, blood relations included. If the limb is gangrenous, cut it off!

Surround yourself with people who make you a better, happier person, not a worse one.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

The fall of the 'Skeptic' community.

Back at it again with the 'hating on the skeptic community' vibe. But I don't care since they have no intention of calling each other out when they see shit they wouldn't tolerate anywhere else, I guess it's up to the people whose opinions and convictions are not swayed by how much we like the person or bullshit tribalism.

How do I put this politely? Skeptics on twitter and Youtube are turning to shit. If they haven't already become obvious supremacists or MRA nut jobs they apparently have lost their tongues. Refusing to call someone out simply because they are from your 'community' is laughably weak. Especially when as I mentioned before, they are quite happy to do it when it suits them e.g. when it's an SJW or a Theist. It's bullshit and I can't stand it.

My morals don't sway based on the colour of the person saying it, Skeptics morals do. I'm not scared of falling out of favour with a bigot because I know he is a bigot BECAUSE I DON'T TOLERATE BIGOTS! The hypocrisy of a community which prides itself of Alpha male (eye roll) bollocks not having the balls to disagree with anyone they like even when they do disagree because they have called out the very same opinion in someone outside they're circle of favour, is astounding.

I am so fucking fed up with holding my tongue while people I used to respect lose all their gumption and become as weak and pathetic as those they spend time mocking. Not calling something out to have an easy life is EXACTLY the type of behaviour they love to call out in the SJW community but fail to recognise in their own.

I have tons more to say on this but this one is just a quick fuck you to the former respectable 'Skeptic' community. You seem only to be skeptical of shit the others say, that's not skepticism, it's cowardice.


You are worse than SJWs because at least they constantly call each other out.

Learning how to talk to people.

Mutual respect is not always necessary for a conversation or argument. But is necessary for a conversation or an argument to go well.

Talking down to someone simply because they don't agree with you is bullshit child behaviour and I won't ever tolerate it. If you find it difficult when you're arguing to differentiate between a person you supposedly care about and just another annoying troll trying to rile you up, that's a problem. It's a problem for them and it is certainly a problem for you.

I was not raised to be spoken down to, its just not in my nature to be anybody's door mat anymore. I don't care who you are to me, what you mean to me or how long I've known you for, the moment you start to treat me as lesser than you because we are having a disagreement, I'm putting your baby arse in time out. Cool it with the I'm better than you attitude, you're not.

It's also really easy to spot when you're conversing with a person who thinks that they are smarter than you. It's all in the wording. That is another behaviour I'm not here for. Don't talk to me like I'm a fucking child, especially not when we're the same fucking age. It's disgusting to be spoken to like you're being scolded by someone you care about who is NOT an authority figure over you.

It makes my blood boil to think that I'll probably never get an apology because they already think they're right about everything and so talking to people like they're foolish or dumber than you is just a given.

It's not okay. I won't put up with it anymore. I am not the type of person you can push around and abuse into agreeing with you. I've dealt with bigger men than you mate, I'm not intimidated by your intellect, I have my own and better still I've an open mind to go with it. So while you're bathing in all that knowledge you think you already have, I'll be out actually learning new information and improving myself. Oh and not treating people I care about like dirt.


Rant over.

Blah blah don't be an arsehole.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

Welcome to the internet... time to adult.

Different opinions is why the internet is so great. It brings people from all over the globe into one space (non literal obviously) and they can share their thoughts and feelings on any subject.
Friendships that are formed from a shared opinion are awesome, they can also be incredibly fragile.

Here is quick tip for you, if your friendships are conditional to 100% mutual agreement on everything... GROW THE FUCK UP.

I have witnessed GROWN ASS MEN block and berate people for simply not agreeing with them. For respectfully disagreeing with them even. These are the fragile egos of supposed 'Skeptics' ladies and gents. It's so pathetic to behold.

This post isn't going to be long and rambling (you're welcome) It just needed to be said (typed,) people think that because they give themselves a fancy avatar and a quirky name, they stop being grown ups. You don't. If you are too soft to take a differing opinion, log off and stay off because you're making yourself look like a total idiot and a maniac barking at anyone who uses the phrase 'actually, I think'

It's only an opinion, it won't fucking kill you to hear it, hell it might even make you a more well rounded person.

Oh and I have even less time for the blind idiot follows of the thin ego-ed bitch babies of the internet. Telling me that I'm wrong about something isn't enough to make it true, telling me I'm wrong because I disagree with your liege lord also is not enough to make it true, to change my mind or indeed make me care. Show me how I'm wrong in your own words using your own brain (assuming you're still even in control of it,) and then maybe you'll achieve your goal.

Having a mind of your own is a wonderful gift to give to yourself, don't let anyone take that away from you and don't ever apologise for it. I know I won't.

Happy adulting,

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

Dealing with a broken heart & depression.

There are many things that can break your heart. Losing people you love can happen in a variation of ways. Death, divorce, break ups or drifting apart. Either way it fucking sucks to feel like a part of you has died and is never coming back.

This post isn't a solution to any of these feelings, its not even a suggestion of what you should do, that would imply I have any clue myself.

All I know is, my heart is broken and I feel very low about it. I'm typing this out because I haven't told anyone (not something I recommend doing by the way, okay so I guess this is a suggestion.) Don't shut yourself away from people if there are people who want to help. If like me, you feel that there are no people, I suggest you write it down or talk it out with yourself, find a forum and scream into the abyss.

Whatever you do, just get it out or it will start to consume you.

All the evil voices in my head that have suddenly come rushing back are here with right now as I type this. They tell me I'm worthless and stupid, that it's my fault.

I don't know this post has been a mess,

Fuck it, fuck it all this didn't help me on bit.

The Subtle (or not so subtle) Racism of Social Justice Warriors.

No body likes a racist right? I mean for a lot of people its a label that carries a lot of weight to it and people run like hell to avoid being called a racist. Sure there are people who claim not to care whether people think they're racist or not but deep down they hate that shit too (even if it rings true.) Rather than just being racist Peter who lives down the road, they join hate groups to validate their irrational hate towards an entire group of people based purely on skin colour because alone, well it just doesn't make as much sense now does it? And that is because being marked with the scarlet letter R cuts you off from most people, no one likes a real racist and since that leaves you out in the cold, few are brave enough to wear that letter proudly when it fits.

Now Social Justice Warriors are just about the most racist group I've ever come across. But they mask it behind 'good intentions' and white knighting. In reality they treat their causes People of colour (,an awful phrase,) as sub human. They expect nothing from them because they truly believe that they are helpless, hopeless, stupid. Ironically the same things that real racists and supremacists believe about their chosen hated group(s).

Not that you'll ever catch a SJW owning up to their racist beliefs. They honestly don't see it that way, they carry out their civic duties as the 'privileged ones, the smart ones, the special chosen ones, and anyone else who is a shade or two darker (extra points if you're Nigerian then,) is to be pitied and rallied around.

'Oh you got a job all by yourself without the white man's help? Good job buddy!' Their attitude towards people they see as different to them is a condescending pat on the head. Their virtue signalling bullshit is only worth something if everyone and their mother is witness to it.
And each act of valour (defending the coloureds,) has it's own points system.

10 points if you defend a black on twitter (what for I hear you ask? Well firstly to even ask why is racist and secondly, do you need a reason that stems beyond THEY'RE BLACK?)

15 points if you re-tweet a Muslim woman who claims sharia law is a good thing. (Death to the infidel? why I've never heard such a peaceful mantra!)

20 points if you cash in on that white privilage to help out the blacks by putting #Blacklivesmatter in your bio (followed by a condescending post about how saying #Alllivesmatter is what actually makes you a racist) because that makes so much sense.

And finally 100 points if you exploit your white guilt long enough to say either of the following phrases with even an ounce of sincerity.

 'Reparations are a good thing'

 'White people stole the land from them, I mean we deserve their hatred

' 'People of colour (bleugh) can't be racist to white people, its about power and oppression duh' then you have hit the jackpot and earned yourself the title of 'Trusted Ally, but lo, never forget that you're white so you'll never understand and you'll always be guilty of slavery and should apologies to every black you come across from now until oblivion.

How SJWs don't see that they are only making matter worse is beyond me. By telling a certain group of people that they are victims just by virtue of the colour of their skin, you are helping to ensure that they never try and always fall back on their race card. It makes me sick.

But don't try and tell them that this is what they are doing because despite the fact that they agree with the sentiment of kill all white people (whilst themselves being white,) they will hold on to the narrative that all but white people are oppressed.

 They cling to it because it is the only thing that makes them feel important, that makes them feel that they are good people. Never mind if a 'person of colour' or numerous speak out against this bullshit narrative and even live by example by excelling in education, breaking the stereotypes. NO! You don't matter if you're a successful coloured, just because you did well doesn't mean anyone else who looks like you can. Don't forget the poor coloureds, I'm surprised we even let them out of the house without being on a leash.

I realise this might sound slightly mad but this is honestly what I hear/see when I witness an SJW at work. And sorry to say but it mostly white SJWs who are guilty of this. Black and brown and whatever else that isn't white SJWs are guilty of their own bullshit such as blatant and shameless racism towards white people engaging in tribalism only until they come across someone in their 'tribe' that undermines their narrative etc.

 And I will probably address them in a different post but here I want to talk about the SJWs who are college kids free for the first time, liberal (as most of us youngsters are,) and only too willing to believe in the oppression of those with whom's experiences they do not share.

What I want to say to you is, two things.

1. While I live in hope that most of you have 'good' intentions, it doesn't matter when you are destroying race relations or at least making them worse and pushing people further back in time. There is nothing virtuous about making a group feel other and alienated just so you can be seen defending them. It is not bold, it is cruel.

2. People are more than their skin colour, while you preach equality, you continue to reduce and value them by their levels of melanin and call it progress. Stop trying to strip away their agency, it is condescending cut that shit out.


Fuck you guys.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

Talking About Abortion.

As important an issue this, my views on it are quite clear. Or they are to me at least. I am outwardly, pro-choice.

WAIT! Before you look away denouncing me as some sort of baby killer unworthy of your time please grant me a few moments more of your time to explain my opinion to you as plainly as possible.

I think that it should be the choice of the (hopefully) the two people involved in conception as to how they decide to proceed. It is after all, going to change their lives primarily, if not only their lives. I am not naive, I understand that many of the pro-choice arguments consist of people (usually women, usually feminists) screaming IT'S MY BODY, MY CHOICE! But I'm not going to do that because I know that something this complex should ideally involve more than just the woman.

I think people should have the choice, the option to get an abortion. I think this because I know of many people who have been in unimaginable situations that such as a victim of rape and another friend who was way too young and mentally unstable to raise a child alone.

I hate when I hear pro-lifers (normally religious people,) dismiss and vilify women or couples who have opted for an abortion as 'baby killers' or 'monsters' because the notion that the only people on the planet who would ever get an abortion are simply irresponsible heathens who hate children and just don't want the hassle is such a narrow minded view.

However, I can see it from the perspective of a pro-lifer (a religious one) the people who strongly believe that by having an abortion, you are harming a life given unto you by God. I get that, I've had that explained to me and I think I understand it as much as an atheist possibly can.

It would be genuinely interesting to speak with a non religious pro-lifer and see where their objections lie so if there is anyone who comes across this that fits that description I'd really love to hear from you. Obviously ALL opinions are welcome, I think it can only be a good thing to talk about something as serious as this and I'm hoping what I am about to say will encourage pro-lifers to share their opinions with me.

Yes. On the whole I think abortion should be an option to everyone. I think that taking away people's right to choose is harmful. To do it based upon an ancient book, well that would be ridiculous. Debates about who should have to fund them is obviously important because if you're pro-life, I imagine the thought of your money going towards something you are strongly against is infuriating.
And as I mentioned earlier discussions about the involvement of men (potential fathers) is more important still, what are their rights (none) and what should their rights be (certainly more than none, right?) but then how would you go about putting that into law without violating other human rights?

For me personally, the thought of ever getting an abortion terrifies me, I don't think I could do it. On a personal level, knowing myself I just don't know if I could stand the trauma of it or the guilt that I've witnessed a friend experience after she had an abortion. It never goes away. And I like to think that I will always be careful enough to avoid an unwanted pregnancy or be able to look at all other options thoroughly if it did. For ME it is a last resort.

And I would like to say that for most people (not crazy feminists,) abortion isn't just some random easy way out, two second thought thing. For most of the people that do it, it isn't a source of pride for them, they don't run home to tweet about it in glee, it is taboo, it is a shame and source of guilt and sometimes regret. To ignore those people when you rant on about 'baby killers' is to not understand the heaviness of that kind of decision.

I choose not to judge people I don't know for making decisions I hope I never ever have to make. And yes I'm sure I'll have someone say 'well what about the life that doesn't get to choose?' and to you I say (and you probably won't like this) legal abortions at least here in the UK, have to occur before the fetus can even become a baby. I often encounter pro-lifers with ridiculous pictures of alleged 'full term abortions' as if that is the norm and not something that happens on back streets illegally. And to those people I would also say, that making abortion illegal anyway will not prevent people from having them, it will just make it unsafe and their will be many more 'full term abortion' pictures for you to throw at pro-choices while you call them baby killers.

I would much rather have people properly treated when they make the decision that for most of them will be one of the hardest things they'll ever do rather than have to risk their lives in order to have control of their own lives. Yes there are people who are just plain irresponsible and those awful people who brag about having an abortion like it is nothing, it is not nothing. To the people to have had an abortion under pained circumstances, it is not nothing. And the pro-choices who brag about it, only seek to undermine those people's experience.

I hope any pro-lifers who may read this do not feel I have attacked them. I've tried to be as fair as possible, this is just my humble opinion, please feel free to disagree with me, I welcome it. It is only through having conversations with people who have differing views on this topic that I have been able to see it from their perspective and have softened on some things. The topic of abortion is one that is very close to my heart as it is for many people, its easy to get 'passionate' about it during discussions with others, I only ask that name calling (from either side) is kept out of it, nothing can be achieved that way.

Thank you for reading.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

Atheism, Clearing Some Things Up.

As an Atheist, I do not believe in God.

As simple as most intelligent people find this to be, I still come across some who find it to be mighty confusing. So here I am, your friendly neighbourhood Satani- I mean Atheist to clear up any confusion you 'Believers' might have.

1. I AM NOT A SATANIST.

Now, why wouldn't a non-belief in God extend to Satan? No really I wanna know because the amount of times I have been threatened with hell, you would think I'm his biggest fan! What makes you think that if the notion of a magical sky daddy watching over us all, with absolutely no evidence of its existence outside your personal experience is incredulous to me, that Satan makes total sense? The same Satan for whom there is just as much evidence for as a God?

Furthermore, Satanists are a group of people who worship Satan, Atheists do not believe in Satan ergo, we cannot worship him! Get it? Got it? Good. Lets move on shall we?

2. STOP THREATENING ME WITH HELL!

Lets clear this up people! Atheism does not equate to Satanism. Atheists do not believe in God or Satan or Heaven or Hell or anything you may feel the need to threaten me with upon discovering my Atheism. So stop wasting your breath. Threatening me with hell has the same impact on me as threatening me with coal from father Christmas for being 'naughty'.

3. I HAVE MORALS & PURPOSE!

One of my personal favourites. The idea that because I do not adhere to an ancient book written by who the heck knows, I have no morals. Of course the sweet beautiful irony is that it is in fact in spite of say the Bible that I have morals. An understanding of wrong and right and an ability to apply them em-pathetically. Whenever a christian tells me that I or all Atheists have no morals because we have chosen to stray from God and if we do not believe in God or that we were created with a distinct purpose, so why would we bother to be good people, it always makes me question their intelligence.

Let me put it this way. I do not believe that we were created by a God with a plan and purpose for us, but that does not leave my life void of meaning. I find purpose and meaning in the world around me, my hopes and dreams, my friends and family and other people who I see striving to achieve great things. That is where my purpose lies, in living and being the best person I can be. And why? If I don't believe in God should I care about being a 'good, moral' person? Because when people behave kindly and respectfully towards each other, that benefits society as a whole and what benefits society, benefits me.

Now what a typical Godless, heartless answer right? Wrong, I also strive to be a good person because I am a compassionate human being able to sympathise and empathise and care for others. The cold hard science of it, is everything I just stated but just because I acknowledge this, doesn't make me any less moral than a Christian.

I would even go so far as to say, it makes me MORE moral. Yes MORE. I am good because I want to be, yes there is a satisfaction that comes from doing good but it goes no further than that. There is no fear of eternal damnation pressuring me to do moral actions. The law and my own moral compass built up by the society I was raised in, is good enough for me. But for believers? You are merely driven by fear of hell or hope of reward in heaven. How does this make you more moral, because you are working for your own self interest just as much as anyone else.

Morality changes over time in the societies in which we live, this is the only way you can stay moral. Clinging to an ancient book for your morals makes you immoral. A book that calls for the damnation of homosexuals, that condones slavery and rape. This is where you get your morals from? They do not change they are in a book, society changes, evolves but if you follow the book how can you claim to be moral at all let alone more moral than I?

Just something to think about.

4. I DON'T HATE GOD!

I cannot hate what I do not believe in, no more than I can fear what I do not believe in. This point has really already been done to death in this post so this is all I will say on the matter.


I love science and reason I am happy to be an Atheist and while I am not claiming to know, I am simply stating that lack of evidence makes it improbable.

Hope this helped someone.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

Reasons Why I Don't Need Feminism.

Let's just jump straight into this shit.

1. I am lucky enough to be living in the Western world where I have the same rights (and at times more) rights as/than men.

2. I am responsible for my own actions and can think for myself.

3. I know that other women can also do the same.

4. I am not a toddler who needs her hand holding, I am a grown woman.

5. Manspreading does not trigger me.

6. I respect men too much to align with a movement that actively tries to strip them of their rights.

7. I like dudes.

8. Rape Culture is NOT a thing here.

9. Women are usually the biggest critics of other women, not men.

10. I don't want any sons I may have to grow up thinking that their very existence is oppressive to me or any woman or to be ashamed of being a man (e.g. grow up to be a 'male feminist.)

I'm Black, You're Black... So What I Don't Owe You a Thing.

I pretty much live on twitter these days. I like the people that follow me and (obviously,) the people I follow. I find that despite it's murky and sometimes disappointing terms and conditions on free speech and hate speech, it is the best social media website to have open discussions on. Even if we have limited characters.

 I have had many intriguing, infuriating and sometimes down right hilarious interactions with all types of people ob Twitter. I like to debate especially with people I disagree with and sometimes they even reply back in using words that are not ad hominems!

But something that is interesting to me is that I only even encounter racism or comments about my race from other black people, well I assume that they are black because of course they hide themselves behind cutesy usernames like Simba234 or Killallwhitepeople99 and they NEVER use their own pictures. My real name and picture is my twitter username and I feel no need to hide. Perhaps having #Alllivesmatter and BLM is a hate group in my bio is what attracts these pussified twitter eggs to my feed, I don't know. All I know is they seem to pull apart their own arguments each and every time they hurl racially motivated insults my way, all the while proclaiming that BLACK LIVES MATTER and that they are 'Liberal.'

At times, I have to pinch myself because the hypocrisy is just too delicious to handle.


My most recent encounter was with a charming fellow, aptly named LeftWingStalin (feel free to look him up and see for yourself.) And while the term troll is most used by morons to describe those who simply disagree with them, for Mr/Miss LeftWingStalin, I feel it is appropriate. On his feed are just tweets filled with hateful bile spewed at random people utterly unprovoked. They are the very definition of a shit poster.

However, I am the very definition of a person with too much time on their hands and so when my card was called to be judged, schooled and shamed by this anonymous person, I did not go gently into the night. Don't get me wrong, I was civil (I had to hold my tongue,) but I did no name calling.

I was put to task over my bio (I told you! 'My bio brings all the black racists to the yard and they're like YOU'RE A RACE TRAITOR!') Hmm doesn't quite have the same ring to it does it? Anyway, the subject of white nationalism came up quite a few times, I denied it and begged relevance to case (I should have linked my post about individualism but I don't think they would have read it.)

It just always baffles me why people seem to think that because I am black, I should automatically subscribe to tribalism and jump aboard the black train, singing Motown songs and rocking an afro comb and black power T-shirt. If I do not personally know you, white, black or fucking martian, I owe you nothing so you get nothing. If I saw a black guy I'd never met mowed down in the street, would I feel sympathy for him, of course I'm not a complete sociopath (despite the rumours,) but I would feel no worse for him than I would watching anyone of any other race be run over. This of course is just an analogy but hopefully it gets my point across.

Once I make it plain to these people that my thoughts are my own, I then find myself fending off accusations that my common sense and lack of emotional attachment to total strangers who just happen to share my skin colour make me a 'self-hating black, house coon', or any other disgusting implication.

I am fucking sick of defending my intelligence and awareness, my ability to separate race from culture and feelings from facts and being racially attacked for being smart. They do themselves and me a great disservice by implying that my views come from white people, as though they are the only race who are able to detach themselves and see shit for what it really is. But naturally, these people fail to see how truly racist they are being. The racism of no expectations, of listen and believe. I hate that shit and I will never apologise for not giving a shit about people I don't know.

These supposed 'liberal' victims are so damn used to pushing the 'poor black people' narrative and shaming any non blacks for calling them out on it, that it pains them and makes them bitter when they encounter other black people undermining their bullshit. All they have to fall back on is their race card and boy do they love to play it.


Fuck BLM, fuck racist blacks (and racists whites, browns, because you just know someone is dying to catch me out as an oreo.)

Fuck you LeftWingStalin keep coming for black people who are unafraid of their voice, you won't fucking win.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo