This is a cautionary tale. What is this cautionary tale about I hear you ask? I think perhaps the question should be what is it NOT about? But I don't have the answer for that either so I guess we can't really ask those types of questions.
All I know and all I can really tell you, is what I've learnt from it and how I moved away from a pretty toxic situation. Yes its going to one of THOSE blogs, I did warn you this is a cautionary tale and tell me, how many cautionary tales have a happy theme to them? (*silence) Exactly.
So I've figured out what this tale is going to be about three paragraphs in (so professional). It's about toxic people and toxic relationships with toxic people. I think most of you will know what I mean by that and maybe you have a certain someone in mind? This post I'll be focusing on toxic friendships. But for those of you who have been lucky enough to only have good and healthy relationships in your life, I'd still like for you to read this.
I'd like to mention that I will not be naming and shaming on here, regardless of who will see this. It's just not what I do.
Right then now we've gotten all the boring stuff out the way, are you sitting comfortably? Good then I'll begin.
Let's start with a dear old friend of mine from secondary school (or high school if you like). I'll call her Ethylene. Super sweet with that underlying taste of bitterness I think its the perfect name for her really. Ethylene was my 'friend' from about Year 8/second year of school to Sixth form/I don't know senior year? Looking back on it now I definitely let that friendship go on for too long.
Ethylene was funny and charming at first, always giving advice to her friends and inviting us to places with her. OH! Here's a tip for you, when you're 'friend' starts making snide little comments about a person or persons she has never met nor has she had any particularly harrowing experiences with them, run. I know you don't think much of it at the time but honestly it should be a matter of trust. This goes for any kind of relationship really. Trust is pretty important, being trustworthy is something I pride myself on. However trusting the people around you, friends, family, boyfriends, girlfriends, well I would say its paramount in making those relationships last.
The questions I should have asked myself and the ones you should always ask yourself are.
1. Was that comment deserved?
The answer is usually no. And in that case don't let it just slide because it wasn't about you. Oh don't you worry they'll spend the last years of your friendship eating their way through your self esteem too and they won't even try to hide their intentions anymore!
2. Think about your other friends, are they decent enough?
If yes then clearly your standards are higher than what this person is offering you. Move on and away from them. Its much easier typed and read then done I know but believe me once the hard task of shaking off that rock to your balloon has been handled, you'll sail away wondering how you ever let them pull you so low. (Are these clichés doing any good here?)
If the answer was no then WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE? Go and sort those toxic friendships out NOW!
There are probably a 1000 more questions you and I should constantly ask yourself when dealing with people you don't 100% trust. But the lesson here is this. Do they make you feel like crap? Run. Are they constantly judging your decisions rather than supporting you? Run.
I know in secondary school everything seems like a big deal but what I've found is that's generally how it feels BECAUSE THAT'S HOW IT IS! People (mainly adults) will try and tell you that its not, but when your best friend says nasty things about you behind your back, or writes you a mean letter (I'm looking at you Ethylene), that is a big deal. It's the first (but sadly not the last) time someone burned you, made you feel you couldn't trust them. For me that is a big deal. And it should be for you too.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting that you should turn up with your 'Mean Girls' revenge plot (although that would be pretty cool). I do not in any way condone or encourage the use of foot cream as face cream, do NOT steal their boyfriend/girlfriend, try to turn other people against them or trick them into putting on excessive weight (god I love Mean Girls!) Don't do those things because as fun as they'll be and as good as they may feel at the time, this isn't about them. Its about you. Simple as that. Why waste anymore time and energy trying to make them feel the way they made you feel? Thinking about it, I can see how toxic friendships can get people stuck in a vicious cycle. You be the one to break that chain.
In the words of the great Taylor Swift "But the cycle ends right now cause' you can't lead me down that road" Don't go there, go forward. You'll be so happy you did.
Be Kind to people,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo
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