Re-investing Your Heart.

Phew, ok this one's going to be difficult. Now lets talk about toxic relationships.
(Girlfriends/boyfriends).

It feels like everyone you know has one of these kinds of stories in their repertoire and very few of them have a particularly happy ending.

As always lets start from the beginning where things are all bright and shiny and new. They're happy, you're happy, the sun shines out of their arse and all that good stuff. Don't think I don't know that there can be good times, trust me I get that. With toxic relationships however, I've found they are even harder to come back from then toxic friendships. And I use the term 'relationship' because I know the feelings are not always reciprocated.


 Sometimes its unrequited and while that sucks the big time, like healthy romantic relationships it doesn't have to be toxic. What I mean by this is that while the other person (hopefully they are a friend) might not share those particular feelings, they will at least care enough about you to respect that these are not the kind of feelings you throw at anyone and that you need time to get over it (this is all assuming they are aware). That's how a healthy unrequited love goes (in a perfect world, I know).There is also the type of unrequited or crush that you keep utterly to yourself and while that is almost as unpleasant as a toxic crush there is at least a quiet dignity about it. Its your secret and yours alone so you can move on and avoid any more hurt or awkward moments.

Moving on to the main topic of this post, toxic relationships. Its hard enough being someone's friend right? There are all of these things that you share with each other, dreams, heartaches and disappointments. Not to mention the older you get, the harder it is to stay in touch. Then there are those times (you know the ones) when they make what you think is a colossal mistake and you call them on their shit. Ugh! Its a hot mess! Tears and feelings everywhere. Friends am I right?

So when it comes to relationships with people you're attracted to, I like to think of it as the most complicated, frustrating and yet rewarding kind of friendship a person can put themselves through (and you should be friends by the way just as a basic rule). And then as if that isn't difficult enough, you throw in all that pressure. The pressure to be the perfect girl/guy, pressure to preform and play your part. Its really bloody hard sometimes. Life gets in the way. Friends (am I right?), family and everything in-between. And its hard to know where they fit in your life and you in theirs. These are things one expects in a healthy relationship.

So when you're not with lets say the best character, it can feel a lot like an uphill struggle. From what I've found it usually is. And its more likely than not that there is only one person on the other side of that hill pushing, fighting, trying. In my experience it felt more like I was the one pushing for while he was busy pushing against, giving me all my reasons to end it on a silver platter. All the reasons he gave me led me (eventually) to the conclusion that I was in a toxic relationship. It lasted a year but it took a lot more from me than any other year I'd ever spent with any other person. With toxic relationships, any amount of time time after you've felt that first tear in your chest from that nasty argument or the third second chance they begged out of you is a moment too long spent wasting away with a person who is too lucky to have you and fails to see it. It's not passion when one of you doesn't care. Time is a precious thing, your time should be precious if not to them then certainly to you.

Cut your losses. Fine a new muse. It doesn't have to be a person, it can be anything you want. My advice is just whatever you do, fine a place to reinvest your love. And make sure its worth it to you.


Once again I find myself giving out advice that is much more difficult to put into action than to share it. However, I promise you that it is all coming from a place of experience. A year ago, I would have had clever justified retorts to the advice I share with you all now.
Cut my losses? What would I gain from that?
Find I new muse? But I don't want to, I'm fine.

I'm fine. Those two little words strung together to form such a massive lie. You're not fine, if you're in a toxic relationship and you think what you're feeling is fine, it's not. Things haven't improved, you've just gotten used to it, built up a tolerance for the bullshit. You're settling and you should definitely stop. Stop lowering your already perfectly attainable standards. Because before you know it, you'll have hit rock bottom and you know what else? While you're busy jumping through hoops trying to please them, they're already thinking about a life after you. You're a knot in their belt. And you can't even visualise a life after them can you? So how come he/she can?

I'll tell you why... say it with me. THEY. ARE. TOXIC.

Toxic boyfriends can't change.
Toxic girlfriends can't change.
Toxic crushes can't change.
Or at least not for you.
But they will change you.

Sure you might see said toxic ex with their latest victim, acting all innocent and non toxic like. Will you be fooled, no way because you've been there, done that and wear the battle scars as amour.

Oh and one last thing, You know that replacement of you? As tempted as you might be (being the kind informative soul that you are), DO NOT under any circumstances contact them and warm them about your toxic ex. Because while you'll believe that you're 'trying to save them' you come off as crazy and obsessive as hell and threatening. Who knows anything you tell them could push them further out to sea with no life jacket. You are allowed however, a quick stalk of their Facebook profile but then feel free to let it go.

Let them find out the truth for themselves. After all you've put in your shift and you don't owe them a thing despite what your conscience says. And be honest... had there been some well meaning ex trying to save you from Mr/Miss Toxic, would you have listened? If you're anything like me the answer is hell no! Chances are whatever you could possibly think to tell them, they already know. Whatever adorable, interesting 'quirk' that drew you in and then turned out to be sociopathic tendencies (speaking from experience here) has caught their attention too. I certainly know this to be true for me at least.

That doesn't mean of course that you deserved to get screwed over by them. It just means that you learned some (many) valuable lessons. You patch up your wounded pride with a good old fashioned rant and allow time to heal the rest.

Because they may be toxic, but you're a survivor! ;)

Be Kind to people,
Love The Girl In Blue

xoxo