Who's That Girl?

The key to knowing who you are is...
Well hell I don't know! And I don't know a single person my age who can confidently say (anything) that they know who they are. Half the time we don't even know what they want. And why should we?

From the moment you start school, you're being trained to become 'who you are' or even cheesier than that 'who you were always meant to be' (ugh). Be that a slacker, an overly ambitious sore loser or just you with no label needed. My point is there is and I've mentioned this before briefly in previous posts, is that there is a constant push to grow up, learn things and make decisions.

I'm 19 and I like to think that I'm one of the more mature people out of the friends I have. Of course everyone grows up at the own pace in some respects some much faster or slower than others. I always felt that I was being forced to make choices about a life I hadn't even thought about yet in a world I didn't understand (and I still don't understand it). Adults be it in the form of teachers, parents, involved distant relatives, all well meaning, telling a 14 year old me that it was time to decide what I wanted to be.

Actually when I think about it, it starts even younger than that for a lot of us. I remember being 5 and already 'knowing' that I wanted to work with animals. Now although that hasn't changed, threats of the 'real world' have forced me to push those juvenile dreams to the bottom of my list. Now I'm looking towards a career in Television! I'm not trying to shift responsibility or blame onto the adults in my life who have always believed they were merely steering me towards the path of success, I only mean that it would've been nice to have been encouraged to have dreams that lay outside the realm of the 'real world'.

 It meant I had to grow up too quickly, worry and stress (as small as they seemed) became more and more a part of my world. How are you going to pass that exam on a topic you picked at random because in your 15 year old brain GCSE'S were the be all and end all? What college are you going to chose so that you can prolong the inevitability of getting a job you hate all because at 14 you decided you were going to become a journalist and you knew this was the right answer because your parents and teachers told you it was?  But maybe I'm just typing out my own fears, maybe I'm alone in this thinking but I very much doubt that.

Knowing who you are and who people want you to be is important. Deciding which matter more to you is also crucial. I've never agreed with people who tell me I should know by now what I want to do with the rest of my life or at least who I am. Goddess knows where (or if) I'll be 5 years from now and that doesn't mean I expect to be living out my 5 year old dreams (although that would be a dream come true!) it just means I don't expect to be stuck working on someone else's dreams for me. I'm lucky enough to know who I am right now at 19. I know that it will change but I also hold hope that some things will never change about me like how much I value my friends. My dreams and what I want and who I want to be matter more to me than what others want me to be. That hasn't always been the case but I hope it remains to be so.

As usual this was a rambling mess that I am not looking forward to editing later tonight because it will still be a rambling mess! There will probably be another edition to this coming soon(ish).

Be kind to one another,
Love The Girl In Blue
xoxo

Let's talk about boredom

Being bored sucks right? I know it, you know it so let's just accept it as a fact. Everyone gets bored great another fact we can store away for a rainy day. But there has always been for me a certain type of boredom that hits the hardest and leads to the most destructive types of behaviours.

 For instance picture of yourself say at home phone in hand (or tablet if you're anything like me) and guess what? You are bored off your face. Everything that sounds good to you is only going to lead to a whole host of regrets. Example one and I'm sure most of you can relate. The type of boredom that leads to this kind of thinking. Hmm maybe I should text/phone/FaceTime/contact him/her see what they're up to. You think this when not so deep down you know exactly what they're up to, being the same idiot arsehole they were before you realised they weren't worth the time. Yet you're so desperate   to do/feel/say anything you almost don't care about the consequences of these foolish actions. And so you do it, you commit the grievous act in your boredomd state (not a real word I know just go with it) and whether you get the rush and response you'd been waiting for, eventually the rush fades and all you're left with is something to do. And that something is cleaning up the mess you've just made.

Believe me I know and it's the worst feeling in the world when that cloud of boredom subsides and you once again find something, anything better to do than to waste your breath on someone who wouldn't piss on you when you were on fire. 

That's the first and worst kind of boredom in my humble opinion.

Of course there are other things that boredom can drive you to equally destructive actions. These include thinking you could marathon all fill in space accordingly of that television series you like and get you essay done at the same time.

Stare at the walls and wondering why you ever thought burnt orange was a good colour.

Basically you question you're entire life choices in the space of an hour.

Saying all this being driven to reevaluate your life by boredom can be a good thing. It can make you take a good hard look at yourself because let's face it when you've got a case of chronic boredom why else is there to do?  and it can force you to admit some things you may have been hiding from. 

So you're bored? Start a blog, go for a run, change your nail colour, do something you won't regret once you've found your fun place again. Because while anything isn't better than nothing, some things can lead to amazing things.

Be kind to one another and a happy 2015! 

May it be void of boredom and full of wonderful moments,

Love The Girl In Blue 

xoxo