World Mental Health Day. 6 Things I Want You to Know

It's World Mental Health Day. So let's talk about it.

But since I'm not in the best mental space myself to and I've never been much for long posts, here are 6 things I want you to remember or know (if you don't already.)

1. Your mental health journey is completely your own.

Sounds painfully obvious but I think that we forget while we're sharing every bowel movement on social media, that no one is entitled to know where your head is at. It's perfectly okay to admit that you are struggling, just please don't feel you owe an explanation to strangers on the internet. You don't.

2. Feeling alone is normal.

Again I bring up social media because it is such a wonderful invention. Connecting with people all across the world it can feel like you're surrounded by friends. And not to belittle that feeling because I honestly think it's a genuine feeling to have, this doesn't always mean that you feel seen and heard. Actually, this is true of the literal people around you too, I live in a house filled with people and yet there a times (now especially,) when I feel so unbelievably alone, it's hard to cope. When you start to feel this way, please remember to reach out to someone, even if in your current mindset you believe they won't care, chances are, they've been waiting to feel seen and heard too.

3. Fight the darkness.

When you're in that dark place your mind takes you to from time to time, the easiest possible thing to do would be to submit to it. Stay in bed because who will honestly miss you? Drop that hobby because it was never really going anywhere in the first place. I get that feeling and I am guilty of giving in to it on occasion too. But here's the thing, when you get out of bed and do something as simple as have a shower, you are showing yourself that you can't be beaten and you don't wish to occupy that dark place for very long. Easier said than done of course but that is why you have to do before you can dismiss it. Never stop fighting.

4. Take care of you.

I don't know that people take the time just be with themselves enough without feeling self conscious or guilty. Sometimes you just need to not be around people. I know that this is true for me, people drain me, I feel anxious and switched on. There is no shame in switching off for a while and it doesn't have to be anything extravagant. It could simply be watching a show you enjoy, reading a book or taking a walk. I personally every now and then like to go to the cinema in the middle of the day, sit in the dark sparsely attended theater and just switch off. It's a good way to look after your mental health, whether you are suffering at the moment or not, everyone needs a sanctuary.

5. Look for joy.

Seeking out things that bring us joy seems impossible when we feel like joy is avoiding us. No body like rejection. It might sound odd to associate laughter with depression but I think there is an important point to be made. People often assume that because someone is laughing, they are happy overall, true in that moment they are experiencing joy but who is to say that once that moment of sunshine is over, that the clouds won't descend upon them once more? But here is my main point, be that person who experiences even fleeting moments of joy, watch an an entire YouTube playlist dedicated to cute and inspiring animal videos, watch a shit tonne of TED talks, try ASMR (if that's what you're into, I won't judge,) just find something to make you believe if only for a moment, that the entire world isn't a flaming ball of shit. You might be surprised how nice it is to find yourself laughing.

6. Let. It. Out.

Lastly but most importantly. Do NOT bottle up your feelings. When has this ever helped anyone in the long term? Answer never. How you feel is how you feel, there is no use denying, suppressing or ignoring it. It won't go away and even if it does, don't expect it not to come back all the stronger and in a way you have no control over. If you're not a big crier (like me,) find a form of expression that works for you (and doesn't get you arrested.) Throw some chipped plates at a wall in your back yard, write it out (Hello!) sing, rant to yourself (another favourite of mine) rant to a friend or a family member (one who is willing to just listen) but whatever you do, for fuck sake don't push it down and pray it'll move onto the next one. You feel this way for a reason, addressing it is the only way to ensure that the next time it knocks at your door, you're armed with tools to tell it to fuck off.


So there it is, my 6 (odd number I know,) World Mental Health Day tips I want you to know. You are not in this totally alone, there is always someone who will understand and want to help you, you just have to find one of them (honestly there are loads!)

Linked below are a few websites to help you on your road to a healthier mind.

Be kind to each other and to yourself.

Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

World Mental Health Day website: https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/campaigns/world-mental-health-day

Mind, for better mental health: https://www.mind.org.uk/

Dear God Please Lets Talk About: Cultural Appropriation...

And how it's not a thing. Well at least not in the way hyper sensitive and often 2nd generation immigrants think it is anyway.

 My grandma beams with excitement and enthusiasm whenever she is able to share her West Indian heritage with people, the food she enjoys cooking, the music she once danced to as a youth "back home" and all that enthusiasm clashes so harshly with the concept of 'cultural appropriation'. As though an openness and willingness to invite other people from other cultures into your own is some kind of abuse. That they by entering into it, ready to soak up the beauty, are invaders bursting through the locked gates, rather than welcomed guests. It's so odd.

 Odder still is that whenever I see the phrase used, it's seldom by immigrants or natives of the culture but instead their spoiled 2/3nd etc generation kin. And as an aforementioned grandchild of immigrants, I wonder if it's a disease of my generation that we're constantly looking for something to fight against, an injustice to march for, an itch to scratch... but we have nothing and so we nitpick.

 One moment it's who can wear braids in their hair, the next it's rewriting the age old definition of racism to mean power + privilege. The similarity between all these 'issues' is that they pail in comparison to the fight our parents and grandparents had as unfamiliars in a new country, dealing with the insults and the whispers and the mistrust. Now we walk down those same streets that we've likely grown up on and think nothing of looking differently than the person who passes us by. I'm not suggesting we live in some post-racial paradise but we're a hell of a lot closer than our grandparents were and it's because of them. Does it ever occur to the champions and gatekeepers of 'other cultures' that perhaps our grandparents and the natives of the countries they moved to, used the act of sharing and learning about cultures other than their own to integrate into communities that transcended cultural differences? No of course not.

My family's ability to be so open to everyone they meet regardless is perhaps why I have such a 'relaxed' view on culture and who can have what. I just don't think it matter whether a little girl on holiday in Jamaica wears braids in her hair or if a high school student goes to prom in Chinese attire. You know why I don't think it matters? Because I don't automatically assume that either are doing so with any malicious intent, curiosity isn't ignorance and it isn't a crime. I also am not so arrogant as to assume that the things within 'my culture' belong solely to or  originated from said culture. These people don't even bother to do any research before they attempt to snatch the chopsticks from your hand. They never seem to know all that much about their precious and protected cultures. It's like mate your culture is x-box and kebabs, chill out. Maybe they cling to their parent's culture so hard because they are further removed from it, they have grown up eating different food, speaking a different language alongside eating their parent's traditional food, speaking their parent's native tongue etc. Either way, if you act like you are the only one who can enjoy your culture guilt free, you're a dick.

 I find people who act as guard dog to their grandparent's culture and think of themselves as some sort of defenders of a homeland they've probably never been to more than once, pathetic. What makes you think that if the people who left their home countries so that their future family (YOU,) could have better opportunities are un-bothered and actually excited by questions about their culture, interest in clothing and food, that you should be? What makes you so fucking special? Stop being so precious because chances are, you're not doing it because you actually give a monkeys about 'your culture' but because you enjoy punishing people and engaging in tribalism and calling it progressive. You just end up looking like a total arsehole. Why are you trying to discourage people from taking an interest in other cultures? Surely you're aware of all the awful events that have happened over the course of history because people were insensitive to other cultures, after all you do love to spout on about the oppression in YOUR history.


Rant over, hopefully we all learned something.


Stop being a culture hog, they are (most of them,) are beautiful and worth learning about.


Love,

The Girl in Blue
xoxo

'13 Reasons Why' is a shit show.

Okay, I have so many thoughts, feelings and concerns about the show '13 Reasons Why' that I can barely think straight.

I watched it quite a few months ago and almost every one of the 13 episodes left me agog and aghast. I shit you not, this post has been on the books ever since. And now OF COURSE THEY HAVE A SECOND SEASON! I'm torn between the urge to hate watch just to see how they could possibly justify it's existence and not giving this dumpster fire of a show anymore attention (bar this post of course). Not only is the writing questionable but the plot and the motivations of most of the characters play out like they were thought up by angry 12 years olds.

So here it is.

SUICIDE IS NOT A FORM OF REVENGE!

Honestly I could just leave it there and the people who have suffered through the show will know exactly what I mean, whether you agree with me or not is irrelevant but you should know what I'm talking about.

Since I doubt that if you're reading this and you haven't seen the show by now, this post is not going to sway you to watch it, I'll give a brief summary of what goes down in this fucked up show.

*Side note: I can't actually believe how much praise this show has been getting, it's fucking awful.


The show focuses on the central character Hannah, who when we join the story is already dead of suicide. Now we all know what suicide means but apparently the writers of the show, the character of Hannah and all of the other idiot characters (especially Clay bless his heart,) seem not to know what the fuck it means.

Clay (our other, far more likable main character,) is left feeling all kinds of gutted that his friend is gone, then he receives a box of tapes that Hannah made shortly before committing suicide. Roll credits '13 Reasons Why'. When I say tapes I do indeed mean cassette tapes, you know those things that were around (for the very start of my music consuming career,) in the 80's and 90's that got all tangled up in your mum's tape player? Yeah she records her '13 reasons' on cassette tapes (front and back of course). Maybe this is the cynic in me but am I the only one who rolled her eyes at this concept, like OF COURSE IT WOULD BE ON A CASSETTE TAPE! How else will anyone know how different and out there the character of Hannah was!? It just screamed pretension to me and trust me that was just the beginning.

And at this point dear reader you may be thinking, 'Hmm 13 reasons why what? Why she loved her dear friend Clay? why she felt so low and desperate that she took her own life? 13 reasons why he shouldn't feel guilty about her death?' Yeah no scrap all of that because what Hannah does instead is create a box of blame and then peaces the fuck out.

As you probably guessed the 'reasons why' is referring to reasons why Hannah dead. And let me tell you I sat through the whole bloody show and only one (one and a half at a push,) of the reasons were serious enough to create so much despair and anger in Hannah.

I forgot to mention that this show is set in high school, I know right? Bloody school, a shit time for most, a hell scape for others but here's the thing, life is hard, school is a part of that and most of the reasons on Hannah's list are average high school experiences that in an emotionally stable teen would cause no more than a week or two of commotion.

In no way am I trying to downplay teenagers who do actually suffer from mental illness and suicidal thoughts, I am simply stating that Hannah was not an accurate depiction of one.

Let me explain.

Firstly, the character of Hannah is far from a sympathetic one. You would think that in a show aimed at impressionable young people (myself included,) the writers would try and dumb it down for us by at least making us feel empathy and or sympathy for ONE OF THE BLOODY PROTAGONISTS. But alas, Hannah is cold, judgmental and kind of a bitch to her friends. What is there to like about her? I couldn't tell you, if the writers were hoping her death alone would be enough to make me like this girl, they really shit the bed on this one. Not even her being dead made her more tolerable.

Secondly and this is my biggest problem with this show, the way Hannah goes about her own death, planning it out, taking the time to pin point each and every problem (and I mean the slightest gripe,) with people she thought had done her wrong (honestly if you looked at this chick sideways in the hall one day, you're going on the tapes.) I wish I was exaggerating dear reader but it's true, there was indeed a character who was put on the tape simply for publishing a poem of Hannah's in the school paper. And the show acts like this kid is the devil and we're supposed to take it seriously as one of the reasons why she committed suicide!?

Not only does this demonise a teenager for behaving like a teenager, it praises Hannah for reacting like a drama queen. Why would this ever be a reason a person would become suicidal? It's honestly a joke. Like I mentioned earlier, something serious does happen to Hannah something very serious and just awful and that for me was the singular moment that justified her despair however even that raised some issues because she goes on to the blame a teacher for not being a mind reader.

I'd rather this post wasn't too long and so I'm just going to cut to the chase (and maybe follow with a part 2.)


The biggest reason that this show sucks is that it puts this dead girl up on a pedestal for killing herself, not asking for help and worst of all seeking revenge through her own death. Just think about it for a moment, taking the time to sit down (supposedly in a suicidal haze,) and direct blame and responsibility for you deciding to take your own life, to your peers for the dumbest most trivial things? That doesn't sound like Hannah was suicidal, it doesn't sound like it should be a preachy Netflix original about actions having consequences, it sounds like a fucking horror movie.

Imagine being so vindictive and immature as to spend time not reaching out to your friend or your counselor for help but to craft cruel tapes of shame doling out responsibility for the way YOU feel and taking none for your own actions (because a lot of the situations she blames people for she is NOT as innocent as she would have us believe her to be.) What made my jaw drop even more though was that, among the people who had also watched the show (mainly my friends,) I seemed to be alone in my thinking. They were so blown away and empowered and angered by Hannah's actions while I just wondered what the fuck I had just watched.

However and surprisingly when I turned to the internet for sanity, I was met with well, sanity. Reams and reams of articles, vlogs and even studies about how harmful the messages being sent on this show were to it's intended audience. Studies indicating that suicidal people should never be shown depictions of suicide (of which there is a very graphic one in the show) People who mirrored my dismay at the disgusting notion that your suicide should be motivated by a 'I'll show them' mindset.
I don't know of many suicidal people who plot the downfall of the people they blame mostly because they are busy actually being suicidal not verging on sociopath like Hannah.

I will finish off by saying that I've been following the responses to the second season and I am pleased to say that they are not good. There has been much controversy around certain other brutal scenes depicted in the show. But what I mostly saw was exactly what I had thought when they announced season 2 and that is...

What the fuck for?


God this show is a train wreck. No hate to the actors of course they seem passionate about the message which makes it even more sad that the only messages it sends are bad ones.


If you watch this show, goddess help you, if you don't, I hear Brooklyn Nine Nine has just been saved from cancellation... just putting that out there.

Suicide is NOT a form of revenge, say it with me people!

Love,

The horrified and angry Girl in Blue

xoxo

Something I want girls to know.

As girls I don't think we are told enough of the right information about life. We're not warned enough about the pressures and expectations that will be put upon us especially when it comes to sex.

Yep that three letter word that depending on who you ask and what day of the week it is, either means a little or means a lot.

I was always told whether directly from friends, older family members or indirectly through the crappy teen dramas on the telly box, that for us gals sex is always going to be a big deal. Or at least it's supposed to be. And nowhere was this pressure placed more than on our virginity. Dear christ the amount of times I've heard people bang on and on about how the first time will be insert adjective here, Special, painful, bloody, awkward, scary. 

I'd love to know where the PSA is for boys and the first time they do it? I'd like to see how many boys are told that 'losing' their virginity is like losing a part of themselves or that they are 'giving' themselves to someone else. I fucking loathe it. It honestly has helped me to build up such an anxiety around the whole act, it's sad. 

Having sex for the first time shouldn't be a fucking trauma for anyone. Everyone's first time is different and yes for some girls it can be (insert aforementioned adjectives,) but it's definitely not a one size fits all situation.

I just wish that out of all the scary, anxiety inducing things people told me about the first time I had sex, that someone would have stopped to tell me that it wasn't supposed to feel terrifying making the decision to 'give' or to 'lose' a part of myself to someone.

Sex can be a big deal and it can also not be, that label is completely up to you and the situation you are in. Don't let anyone else dictate what something should mean to you. You don't lose anything when you have sex for the first time, you won't be less virtuous or innocent, it's all bullshit they tell you to scare and shame you for something natural. 

Not only is it possible for you to not be traumatised by the experience, you may even *gasp enjoy it? Crazy I know, that's another thing *they don't want you to know. 

Be kind to yourself.

Love,

The Girl in Blue

xoxo

 

The Subtle Fuck Boy.

In life you will come across (no pun intended, for those with filthy minds,) an assortment of different people. People who treat you well and people who don't.

I'm here to talk about a type of person (in this particular case, a male but this can apply to both genders,) who I feel is overlooked in pop culture.


And he is the Subtle Fuck boy.

Not your average Joe fuck boy, no no no, this is the type of guy you don't see coming until you're neck deep in fuckery. They'll give you cause to believe that they are 'nothing like a fuck boy' that they are sweet, dependable and consistent, or at least for the first few months. Then BAM, it's randomly disappearing for weeks at a time with no explanation before casually showing back up like they've done nothing wrong. It's fucking with your head to make you think you've committed some egregious sin against them to trigger their radio silence. It's sleepless nights wondering if something serious has happened to them or if they're going through something (clue, they're not)

You see, the subtle fuck boy doesn't really care about any other than himself, while outwardly he pretends to be the thoughtful, charmer, internally he is a constant let down, a flake if you will.

The first couple of times he lets you down, you might shrug it off, after all he's usually so consistent right? But this would be your first mistake, he takes this as an allowance, a free pass to not only do it again but to do it sporadically over the whole course of the relationship (if you can even call it that.)

The subtle fuck boy may seem from these examples to be a regular fuck boy however, he is much more sly and cunning, he makes sure his victims are blindsided when he switches up on them.

The best thing to do is to completely cut him off, make it clear your time is valuable and you won't be fucked with by a coward like him. But don't assume that's the last you'll see of him, subtle fuck boys have a 'nice guy' complex that makes it unbearable for them to be perceived as the 'bad guy' he'll lead you on just to make himself feel like the bigger person but don't be fooled, there is no heroism behind his actions, only ego.

I'm learning that while you'll never be able to avoid people trying to waste your time and break your heart, you can learn from it each time and handle it in away that minimises the damage done to you.


Be kind to each other and don't be an arsehole.


Love,

The Girl in Blue

xoxo

Valentines Day x

I know it's not a very valentines post but I feel completely alone. Not in the trivial I wish I had someone way, I feel completely and utterly alone and I have people here.