Something I want girls to know.

As girls I don't think we are told enough of the right information about life. We're not warned enough about the pressures and expectations that will be put upon us especially when it comes to sex.

Yep that three letter word that depending on who you ask and what day of the week it is, either means a little or means a lot.

I was always told whether directly from friends, older family members or indirectly through the crappy teen dramas on the telly box, that for us gals sex is always going to be a big deal. Or at least it's supposed to be. And nowhere was this pressure placed more than on our virginity. Dear christ the amount of times I've heard people bang on and on about how the first time will be insert adjective here, Special, painful, bloody, awkward, scary. 

I'd love to know where the PSA is for boys and the first time they do it? I'd like to see how many boys are told that 'losing' their virginity is like losing a part of themselves or that they are 'giving' themselves to someone else. I fucking loathe it. It honestly has helped me to build up such an anxiety around the whole act, it's sad. 

Having sex for the first time shouldn't be a fucking trauma for anyone. Everyone's first time is different and yes for some girls it can be (insert aforementioned adjectives,) but it's definitely not a one size fits all situation.

I just wish that out of all the scary, anxiety inducing things people told me about the first time I had sex, that someone would have stopped to tell me that it wasn't supposed to feel terrifying making the decision to 'give' or to 'lose' a part of myself to someone.

Sex can be a big deal and it can also not be, that label is completely up to you and the situation you are in. Don't let anyone else dictate what something should mean to you. You don't lose anything when you have sex for the first time, you won't be less virtuous or innocent, it's all bullshit they tell you to scare and shame you for something natural. 

Not only is it possible for you to not be traumatised by the experience, you may even *gasp enjoy it? Crazy I know, that's another thing *they don't want you to know. 

Be kind to yourself.

Love,

The Girl in Blue

xoxo

 

The Subtle Fuck Boy.

In life you will come across (no pun intended, for those with filthy minds,) an assortment of different people. People who treat you well and people who don't.

I'm here to talk about a type of person (in this particular case, a male but this can apply to both genders,) who I feel is overlooked in pop culture.


And he is the Subtle Fuck boy.

Not your average Joe fuck boy, no no no, this is the type of guy you don't see coming until you're neck deep in fuckery. They'll give you cause to believe that they are 'nothing like a fuck boy' that they are sweet, dependable and consistent, or at least for the first few months. Then BAM, it's randomly disappearing for weeks at a time with no explanation before casually showing back up like they've done nothing wrong. It's fucking with your head to make you think you've committed some egregious sin against them to trigger their radio silence. It's sleepless nights wondering if something serious has happened to them or if they're going through something (clue, they're not)

You see, the subtle fuck boy doesn't really care about any other than himself, while outwardly he pretends to be the thoughtful, charmer, internally he is a constant let down, a flake if you will.

The first couple of times he lets you down, you might shrug it off, after all he's usually so consistent right? But this would be your first mistake, he takes this as an allowance, a free pass to not only do it again but to do it sporadically over the whole course of the relationship (if you can even call it that.)

The subtle fuck boy may seem from these examples to be a regular fuck boy however, he is much more sly and cunning, he makes sure his victims are blindsided when he switches up on them.

The best thing to do is to completely cut him off, make it clear your time is valuable and you won't be fucked with by a coward like him. But don't assume that's the last you'll see of him, subtle fuck boys have a 'nice guy' complex that makes it unbearable for them to be perceived as the 'bad guy' he'll lead you on just to make himself feel like the bigger person but don't be fooled, there is no heroism behind his actions, only ego.

I'm learning that while you'll never be able to avoid people trying to waste your time and break your heart, you can learn from it each time and handle it in away that minimises the damage done to you.


Be kind to each other and don't be an arsehole.


Love,

The Girl in Blue

xoxo